Hating on the Heat

So according to a recent ESPN poll, LeBron is currently the most hated athlete in sports. Then, this week Dwayne Wade made no friends by comparing a possible Heat losing streak to the World Trade Center attacks. Add this with the negative public backlash to LeBron's "The Decision", and you have a Miami Heat team that has become very easy to hate for the average fan. Let's just say outside of Miami, these guys are not going to be very popular.

So now, we have to ask, what should the Heat do now that they're possibly the most hated professional sports team in America (next to the Yankees of course). They could try to get some good publicity, do some commercials, some charity work, and maybe gain some good karma back.

OR...they could go the complete opposite way. Become the bad guys of the league. Sort of like how professional wrestling has their bad guys that fans love to hate, the Heat could be the heels of the NBA. This gimmick works remarkably well for professional wrestling. Fans love to have someone to hate. Across the country, people will show up to boo the Heat. This would be great for business. This is the route I recommend for LeBron, Wade, and Chris Bosh (I also would have recommended this plan for Tiger by the way). Here's what I would encourage the Heat to do this year to become the most popular bad guys since the NWO.

- Act as arrogant as possible in every interview all season. Every player should refer to himself and the team in the 3rd person. For instance, Wade could answer a question like this, "All Dwayne Wade has to do is continue to be the great player that he is, and everything will be fine." LeBron could answer questions about the team's success like, "The Miami Heat will undoubtedly win the NBA championship this year." They can start predicting the margin of victory for upcoming games just like Muhammad Ali used to predict the round he would knock out his next opponent. Basically, use every public appearance as a way to upset as many people as possible. LeBron got this off to a good start by constantly referring to himself in the 3rd person throughout "The Decision".

- Insult every city and its fans on every road trip. Complain about how boring Milwaukee is. Talk about all the rednecks in Indiana. Comment on how all New Yorkers smell bad. This can get especially entertaining when LeBron complains about how boring Cleveland is and Bosh makes fun of all of Canada.

- They should show up for all games wear all black suits and sunglasses. Keep the sunglasses on as long as possible, through warm-ups if at all possible. This is a common way wrestlers and bad guys in movies show off how bad they are. Carrying this a step further, LeBron should wear a crown to every game to reinforce his "King" James image.

- Instead of the dance music most NBA teams use as entrance music during introductions, the Heat should pick hard rock or the most offensive rap song possible for their entrance music. A choreographed dance or strut while entering to the chosen song would also be good.

- Irritate opposing fans as much as possible throughout the game. They should encourage the boos, prance after made shots, celebrate during timeouts. Actually, when winning during a game, they should ignore the other team's timeouts. Instead of going to the bench and pretending to listen to whatever pointless advice their coach is trying to give them, they should stay out on the floor during opposing timeouts. How irritating would it be to opposing fans, if their team calls a timeout to regroup and discuss strategy, and the Heat stay out on the court dancing or encouraging as many boos as possible. This would be wildly entertaining.

The Heat are going to be very good this year, let's just get that out of the way right now. But embracing the role of the bad guys would be the best move for everyone involved. It would be the most fun option for LeBron, Wade, and Bosh. I mean think about it. They could work really hard to regain some of their lost fans and get back into the public's good graces. Or, they could go out every night and do whatever they want and forget about looking like the good guys. The NBA would not discourage this at all because it would be good for business. People love to hate. The Bad Guy Heat would be the talk of the sports world. Sportscenter, Pardon the Interruption, Around the Horn, all of ESPN, and any other sports show would talk about the Heat, and therefore the NBA, every day. The Heat could make Bad Guy Heat t-shirts, bandannas, and all sorts of other stuff. Other teams would sell anti-Heat gear all the time. NBA publicity would be up, merchandise sales would be up, and everyone would have an opinion on the Bad Guy Heat. Their antics would be entertaining to watch, even to people who really don't have a big interest in basketball.

I'm also not against jumping the other team's best player before the game in the locker room and hitting him with a steel chair (well maybe that's a little too much like pro wrestling).

LeBron Leaves

LeBron James broke the hearts of Cleveland last week when he decided to leave the Cavaliers to join Dwayne Wade in Miami. This led to fans burning his jersey in his hometown and a scathing letter from Cavs owner Dan Gilbert. LeBron even broke the hearts of the "LeBron James Grandmothers Fan Club".

While his decision to leave his hometown Cavs is defensible (we'll get to that in a minute), the way he went about it was entirely misguided and borderline absurd. First of all, it was James and his team of advisers that came up with the idea of an hour-long television special, "The Decision", to announce his plans. Really? An hour to announce where he decided to play next year. This in itself was unheard of. Normally, athletes will release a statement through their agent that will announce their decision in roughly 30 seconds. LeBron and his team decided to drag "The Decision" out into an entire hour. Not only did this idea rub a lot of people the wrong way by making LeBron come off as one of the most egotistical athletes in recent memory (and maybe he is I mean people have been telling him that he's the greatest thing to walk the Earth since he was 16), but by all accounts, LeBron didn't tell any of the teams he had met with in the previous week of his decision beforehand. All of those teams had to find out just like all of us regular people by watching this ridiculous TV special. This was especially cruel to the Cavs and the fans of Cleveland. Here is LeBron's hometown. These people thought they had a real connection with him. The organization had planned all of their moves for the past several years in an attempt to make LeBron happy. Then all of these people have to find out he's leaving by watching ESPN. Even David Stern said LeBron handled his announcement the wrong way.

LeBron's decision and the way he handled it dropped him from one of the most popular athletes in any sport to one of the most despised for many people. The only way he could have handled this worse is if he turned his back of Cleveland like a pro wrestler would. He could have announced he was staying in Cleveland and put on a Cavs hat. Then when a Cavs representative came out to shake his hand, LeBron could have hit him with a steel chair as Stu Scott screamed "Good God, No!" and Lebron ripped off his suit to reveal a Miami Heat jersey. Sort of like this. Atleast this would have been funny and mean. As it is, Lebron's television decision spectacle was just mean.

Now, while Lebron's handling of the situation couldn't have been worse, his actual decision is totally defensible. Put yourself in LeBron's shoes. You're 25 and you're a multi-multi-millionaire.

Would you rather spend your winters playing basketball here:

Or here:

With these people:

Or these people:
I'm guessing you're choosing option #2 in both cases. From a basketball standpoint, Miami also held the edge. Why would LeBron want to go back to Cleveland with Mo Williams, Anderson Varejao, and too-old-to-be-good Shaq when he can go play with Wade, one of the 3 best players in the league and one of LeBron's best friends, and Chris Bosh, an all-star and a close friend. The media always criticizes athletes for not winning championships and for always chasing the money. In this case, LeBron did the exact opposite. He took less money to go somewhere where he thinks he has a better chance to win. So, really LeBron decided to move to Miami to play on a better team with 2 of his best friends. I can't say I fault him for that decision, but I can fault him for "The Decision".

Pirates

Traditionally, Pirates like money, rum, loose women, and fighting. Those are 4 manly things.









So, in the sports world, the nickname "Pirates" should be manly and intimidating. Unfortunately, the only professional team in the four major sports in America with the name "Pirates" is the Pittsburgh Pirates. These Pirates seem to like losing, making embarrassing decisions, and being the joke of professional sports. They are not holding up their end of the bargain when it comes to using the Pirate mascot. They could not be less manly or intimidating. They have already set the all-time record for most losing seasons in a row with 17 and barring an "Angels in the Outfield" type miracle (seriously it will take an act of God to turn the Pirates into winners) will grow that streak to 18 this year.



Just take a look at how the Pirates have embarrassed themselves this year alone.

• Lastings Milledge has been a starting corner outfielder for the entire season. For those of you not into baseball, a corner outfielder is supposed to be a power hitter, you know on a good team anyway. Milledge has started the entire season and is 4th on the team in at-bats. He has 1 home run. He hit that home run on June 27th in the team's 76th game.


• Shortstop Ronny Cedeno is 5th on the team in at-bats; therefore the team has decided he should play regularly. He has 5 times as many strikeouts as walks. You read that right.


• Charlie Morton has been sent to the mound as the starting pitcher 10 times. He has an ERA over 9 and is averaging 4 innings per start. The Pirates got Morton by trading their only all-star (Nate McLouth) for him.


• In the middle of a 10 game losing streak which gave the Pirates the worst record in the National League, rumors started that Manager John Russell and GM Neal Huntington were in danger of being fired. With the poor play on the field and the disastrous results of numerous trades, these rumors seemed to make sense. Then, the team announced that they had actually extended both Russell and Huntington's contracts last fall after a 62-99 season but kept news of the extensions secret for months for unknown reasons. What did the team do to right the ship as the team continued to lose and the organization was being made to look ridiculous due to the contract extension story? The fired one of the racing pierogies. Seriously.

So in honor of the Pirates incredible futility for an 18th straight year, I present to you the 8 most embarrassing incidents of the 17 year losing streak.

8. Sausage Beating - While playing in Milwaukee, Pirates 1B Randall Simon was arrested and fined for smacking one of the racing sausage mascots as the meatrunner dashed past the dugout. Some still claim it was the most solid contact any Pirate hitter made all year as the finished 75-87.

7. Operation Shutdown - In 2003, the Pirates signed OF Derek Bell to a $5 million a year contract. Nevermind that Bell was 34 years old and hit only .173 the previous season. After an even worse start to spring training, Bell was asked about having to fight for his job due to his poor performance so far. He responded, "If it ain't settled with me out there, then they can trade me. I ain't going out there to hurt myself in spring training battling for a job. If it is open, then I'm going into Operation Shutdown." Bell was released before the season started. The Pirates paid him $4.5 million.

6. Drafts - The Pirates have fared particularly poorly in the draft. Let's start in 2002. Bucs picked pitcher Bryan Bullington with the 1st overall pick. He played 6 games for the Pirates. That year the team passed on Prince Fielder, Zack Greinke, Cole Hamels, and B.J. Upton. In 2006, the Pirates passed on Tim Lincecum and Clayton Kershaw. In 2007, with the 4th overall pick, the Pirates took Daniel Moskos who was the 9th ranked pitcher. So with the 4th pick they took a guy who wasn't even the 4th best at his own position. Yikes.

5. Celebrity Trouble I - In 2008 spring training, the Pirates were facing the Yankees. As a birthday present, the Yankees added actor Billy Crystal to their roster and allowed him to take a turn at the plate. Pirates pitcher Paul Maholm got behind Crystal, who was 60 at the time, with a 3-1 count before striking him out. Crystal actually hit a line drive down the firstbase line that landed just foul.

4. Celebrity Trouble II - To kick off the 2006 season, the Pirates asked local celebrity Michael Keaton to throw out the first pitch at the home opener. After throwing the pitch, Keaton went on to rip the organization. Saying management was taking advantage of the fans, being disrespectful to the game, and fans should be more vocal in demanding a change. Ouch.

3. Stealing Headline, Not in a Good Way - It was Thursday, April 22, 2010. Pittsburghers were looking forward to a Penguin Playoff game that night. ESPN was reporting numerous rumors that Ben Roethlisberger would be traded during the NFL Draft that was only a day away. So do the Pirates let themselves be outdone? No. They promptly went out and lost to the Brewers 20-0. That's right. 20 to zippo. It was the last game of a 3 game series in which the Pirates were outscored 36-1. So even with the Pens chasing a 2nd Stanley Cup and the Steelers franchise QB being shopped, the Buccos take the headlines for their super suckiness.

2. Matt Morris - The 2007 season was chugging along like every other season in recent Pirates history. The team was losing a lot and well out of the playoff race. So what do the Pirates do at the trade deadline? Trade aging veterans? Acquire some young prospects? Of course not. They do the exact opposite. They trade young major league outfielder Rajai Davis and a prospect for Matt Morris. Matt Morris was 33 years old, had an ERA well over 4, and was making $10 million a year for the next 2 years. Puzzling. In essence, the Bucs traded a young major league caliber outfielder and another cheap prospect for an aging, expensive and ineffective pitcher. It got worse as Morris finished the season with more losses than wins and an ERA over 6. Then things went from worse to unbelievably worse as Morris began the next season 0-4 with an ERA over 9 before he was cut and retired. For a year and a half and $20 million, the Pirates got a 3-8 record from Morris with an ERA over 7. And if you can believe it, this trade continued to look worse. Davis has become a dependable and productive major league outfielder. The year after the trade he hit .260 and stole 25 bases. Just last year, he hit .305 and stole 41 bases, and he currently makes just over $1 million per year. To recap: Pirates give up young outfielder who has turned into dependable hitter and formidable base stealer making about $1 million a year, Pirates get old pitcher who lasts less than 1 season while losing twice as many games as he wins for $20 million. Great.

1. Aramis Ramirez Giveaway - Due to limited funds, the Pirates constantly miss out on big-time free agents. Their response is to talk about the need to draft smart and develop young players. Aramis Ramirez is the prime example of starting this strategy then giving up when it starts to work. Ramirez came through the Pirates system and developed into a promising young power hitter. In 2001 as a 23-year-old, Ramirez hit .300 with 34 homers. In 2003, Ramirez was on pace for another 30 home run season when the Pirates traded him and Kenny Lofton, their starting CF, to the Cubs for a garbage platter of Bobby Hill, Jose Hernandez, and Matt Bruback. Ramirez and Lofton joined the Cubs and helped the team reach the NLCS. Ramirez has hit atleast 26 home runs in every year since the trade, expect for an injury shorted 2009. As for what the Pirates got: Hill had 2 homers in 3 seasons, Hernandez had more strikeouts than hits in less than 1 season before being released, and Bruback never reached the majors. Ramirez is a 2-time all-star and won the 2008 NL Offensive Player of the year award. Since the trade, the Buccos have started the less than impressive list of Hernandez, Ty Wigginton, Rob Mackowiak, Freddy Sanchez, Jose Batista, and Andy LaRoche at 3B and none hit more than 17 homers in a season. Pedro Alvarez is being billed as the power hitting 3B of the future right now. Let's just hope the Cardinals don't offer a 42-year-old relief pitcher, a blind SS, and a bag of balls for Pedro in 2 years or else we'll be starting all over again.

The Beginning

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