Super Bowl Showdown

The Super Bowl is here, and this year's Pats-Giants game is full of interesting sub-plots. It's a re-match of the great Super Bowl 42 when the 18-0 undefeated Pats were upset by the Giants because a no-name receiver got a desperation pass on his helmet. Now, the two teams face off again. Along with these other juicy storylines:

   - Tom Brady is going for his 4th Super Bowl title which would tie him with Terry Bradshaw and Joe Montana for the most Super Bowl wins all-time for a QB. Throw in his 18-0 season and the single-season TD record, and Brady is playing for a win that would put in at the top of any conversation of "Best QB of all-time".

   - Eli Manning is going for his 2nd Super Bowl win. A win would put him with Brady and Big Ben as the only active QBs with multiple championships and the 11th QB in the history of football to win multiple Super Bowls. Even typing that, it doesn't seem right.

   - Also, an Eli Manning win gives him more Super Bowl titles than big brother Peyton. You know that's going to be a big edge in the sibling rivalry, and something Eli will most definitely bring up at every family gathering. Peyton has long been considered one of the best QBs, not only of his era, but possibly of all-time. But, if Eli ends up with more Super Bowl wins, does that make Peyton not even the best QB in his family? Imagine Eli wins, who's better, Peyton and his long history of crazy regular season success and incredible stats but playoff chokes or Eli with his erratic up-and-down regular seasons who seems to step up big in the playoffs? Very interesting.

   - Oh yeah, Eli is trying to win a 2nd Super Bowl, which is one more than brother Peyton. Brady is trying to win his 4th and end the "Brady or Peyton" debate once and for all. And, all of this is happening in Indianapolis, the city where Peyton has been playing for almost 20 years. This, coming after a year in which Peyton didn't play a single game due to injury and watched his team win 2 games all season. This can't be a pleasant week for Peyton.

   - Pats head coach Emperor Bill Belichek is going for his 4th Super Bowl win. That would tie him with Chuck Noll for the most all-time. No small feat for a guy with no soul.

   Add all of this stuff together, and it's the make-up for a really interesting game. Plus, this should be an actual exciting and close football game. Now, those storylines above have been beaten to death on every sports show and website for the past two weeks, so I'm giving a list of sub-sub-plots to watch for on Sunday. Here's a list of guys who promise to be important, and watching them will be entertaining, and maybe a little funny.

Pats Julian Edelman

I bet when this little guy was
playing QB at Kent State, he
never thought he'd be starting
in the Super Bowl playing
defensive back.

This guy was a 5'10 quarterback at tiny Kent State in college. The Pats drafted him as a wide receiver. He's had 4 catches all season. Somewhere along the line the Pats had one too many injuries on defense this year, so IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SEASON they moved Edelman to defensive back. Now, in the Super Bowl, he's going to be playing a position he probably hasn't played since grade school. At the end of the AFC Championship game two weeks ago with the game and a trip to the Super Bowl on the line, Edelman was guarding Ravens receiver Anquan Boldin, probably the Ravens best receiver. On the game's final drive, the Ravens discovered that the quarterback-turned-receiver-turned defensive back couldn't guard their best wideout, so they threw to Boldin 4 times resulting in 3 catches. Now, the Pats face the Giants who feature three receivers in Hakeem Nicks, Victor Cruz, and Mario Manningham who are better than Boldin. So, who is Edelman going to guard? None of those receivers are under 6 feet tall, and they all have been playing the position their entire career, not for a couple months. I'm thinking Eli might be looking to pick on Edelman on Sunday, and it's going to be fun watching Edelman try to wing his way through the Super Bowl.

Pats left tackle Matt Light

Most people ignore offensive lineman, like they should since they're fat and uninteresting, but Light has a difficult and very important job this Sunday. He needs to protect Tom Brady's blindside from the talented Giants pass rush. The Giants beat the Pats in the Super Bowl last time because the Giants defensive line got a lot of pressure on Brady and disrupted the entire Pats offense. Now, the Giants made their late run through the playoffs beating Aaron Rodgers and then the 49ers last week with their pass rush leading the way. With Jason Pierre-Paul, Osi Umenyiora, and Justin Tuck, the Giants have a lot of guys to get after Brady. Light needs to hold up and give Brady time to pick apart the Giants suspect secondary. If Light plays a bad game, Brady will get sacked, possibly lose some fumbles, and the Pats will probably lose. It's not exciting to watch offensive line play, but this will be one of the deciding factors on who wins the game.

Giants' safeties Kenny Philips and Antrel Rolle

The Pats love throwing the ball in the middle of the field using tight ends Rob GronkowskiRolle to try to cover those guys. They might get a break because Gronkowski has a high ankle sprain and no one seems to know whether he'll play or how effective he'll be. But, the Pats use their tight ends and Wes Welker over the middle in their passing game way more than they use their outside receivers, so Philips and Rolle will need have a solid game.


Manly Man of the Week - Cassanova McKinzy

Let me explain. Cassanova McKinzy (great name by the way) is a high school senior linebacker from Birmingham Alabama who is ranked at the 245th best prospect in the country by Rivals.com. He just chose Auburn over Clemson. He is manly man of the week for the reasoning behind his college choice. Here is the quote:
      "It was kind of the environment and plus they had no Chick-Fil-A on campus."
So, he made his college choice base on fried chicken. Awesome. Just spectacular. There is nothing manlier than making all important life decisions based on food, especially friend food. So, congratulations Cassanova. I wish you the best of luck and enjoy the Chick-Fil-A.

With another week until the Super Bowl decides who is the best team in football this year, I thought it would be a good time to look back at the predictions I made at the beginning of the season. A lot of things were different back in September. People thought Peyton Manning would be back after a few weeks, Tim Tebow would never see the playing field, and the Eagles would run away with the NFC title. As for my predictions, some were impressively accurate. Others were comically terrible. But as a manly man, I am man enough to face the music and see how I did. Enjoy.

AFC
AFC EAST - Winner - New England Patriots
What Will Happen - The Bills will be the worst team in the division. I know, not exactly going out on a limb here, but I'm starting with an easy one. Buffalo is no good. Bills Trivia: Alex Riley, Ryan Fitzpatrick, and Daniel Bryan - which 1 is the Bills starting quarterback and which 2 are WWE pro wrestlers? The fact that you have no idea is not good for Buffalo's season.
What Won't Happen - Tony Sparano will not be the Dolphins head coach at the end of the season. Miami is so unconfident in his abilities that they tried to hire another coach while Sparano was still under contract. They actually messed up the situation so bad that they had to sign Sparano to an extension just to calm him down when the other coach turned them down. That extension will mean nothing when the Dolphins start the season 1-8. Not even your awesome shades can save you this season, Tony.
What Might Happen - The Jets might collapse this year. After a surprise run to the AFC Championship last season, the Jets are looking to build to another Super Bowl run. Only a few problems: they lost the guy who led them in receiving yards (Braylon Edwards) and replaced him with a guy (Plaxico) who has been in jail for 2 years; their leading rushing is 32 years old; they still have no one who can rush the passer without sending all-out blitzes; and their quarterback is still a guy who looks like he works at a dance club and keeps hitting on your girlfriend.

VERDICT: Pretty darn good. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but this was pretty much right on. The Pats did win the division. After a hot start, the Bills went back to sucking and finished tied for last in the division. Tony Sparano was fired. And, the Jets totally collapsed this year finishing just 8-8, getting in multiple sideline fights, watching team captain Santonio Holmes voluntarily sit out the end of a close game, and calling each other out in multiple interviews after the season. Also, Mark Sanchez still looks like the creepy guy at the nightclub. 

 

AFC North - Winner - Pittsburgh Steelers (I'm a homer deal with it.)
What Will Happen - The Steelers will regret not upgrading their secondary. For years, teams (Patriots, Packers in last year's Super Bowl) have beaten the Steelers by spreading the field and making them cover multiple receivers with guys like William Gay. The Steelers got some favorable match-ups in last year's playoffs with the Ravens and Jets because those two teams like to run the ball which plays into the Steelers' strength. Things will be different if they happen to run into someone like the Pats or Chargers in this season's playoff run.
What Won't Happen - No one who spent last week in jail will rush for more yards in the NFL this season than Cedric Benson. The Bengals running back pleaded guilty to assault for two separate incidents in which he punched a former roommate and a bar employee. He served 5 days in jail, and now he'll lead the Bengals in rushing.
What Might Happen - The Browns might be average, and that's a drastic improvement. Colt McCoy might turn out to be a decent NFL quarterback, and Peyton Hillis might be have another great year running the ball. Then again, Hillis has to beat the Madden Curse, and this is Cleveland we're talking about.

VERDICT: Half right. The Steelers finished tied for the best record in the division, but lost out to Baltimore thanks to the Ravens beating Pittsburgh twice. However, I was right that the Steelers secondary would cost them big in the playoffs although I never thought it would be Tim Tebow that threw for over 300 yards to eliminate them. Cedric Benson did rush for more yards than anyone else who was in jail a week before the season started. Finally, I want to ask all of you to forget that I said Cleveland might be average. I must have been drinking when I wrote that. Cleveland, like always, completely sucked.

AFC South - Winner - Houston Texans
What Will Happen - The Jaguars will look dumb for getting rid of their starting quarterback 5 days before the first game. Now, David Garrad wasn't exactly the second-coming of Joe Montana or anything, but he has been their starter for three years, led them to the playoffs, and has been to the Pro Bowl. Cutting him would be one thing if they were confident in handing over the quarterback job to their first-round pick and quarterback of the future Blaine Gabbert, but Blaine was so bad this pre-season that he got passed up by Luke McCown. Luke McCown will be their starter. Your guess is as good as mine. He's a 30-year-old journeyman who has thrown 9 total touchdown passes in 8 years. Good luck, Jags.
What Won't Happen - Peyton Manning will not be able to rescue the Colts this time. Manning has saved many mediocre Colts teams by being the best quarterback in the league. They've never really had a defense, he's made stars out of ordinary receivers, and I'm pretty sure he's their real head coach at this point because Jim Caldwell looks like he's asleep for most of the game. But age is catching up to Manning, and he's finally going to miss the first start of his 14-year career in Week 1 after neck surgery, and now they're saying he might miss significant time. Old people who get neck surgery don't do well in a profession that requires them to beat up every week.
What Might Happen - The Texans might end up being really good. They have one of the NFL's top running backs in Adrian Foster, top receivers in Andre Johnson, and a good quarterback in Matt Schaub. They also have a top pass rusher in Mario Williams, a top linebacker in DeMeco Ryans, and added a top cornerback in Jonathon Joseph. Things look good in Houston. You know, except for the fact that people have been saying this for the past 3 years, and they've still never reached the playoffs.

VERDICT: Excellent. Another win for this manly man. The Texans did win the division, and they turned out to be really good. If they weren't down to their 3rd string rookie QB, they might have beaten Baltimore and played the Pats to go to the Super Bowl. The Jags had to regret cutting their starting QB a week before the season. After Josh McCown sucked (0 TDs 4 INTS), they switched to Blaine Gabbert who also sucked (11 INTs, sacked 40 times, completed just 50% of his passes). And, Peyton Manning proved my point that old guys with neck injuries can't play football. He missed the entire season, tand he Colts won 2 games then fired practically everyone who worked there.

 

AFC West - Winner - San Diego Chargers
What Will Happen - Terrell Pryor will want to go back to school, maybe even just to go to class and get a regular 9-5 job. Seriously, could Pryor have fallen into a worse situation than getting picked up by Oakland? A kid who has been in trouble a few times, got suspended by the NCAA, and seems in need of a stable situation goes to the Raiders. This has bad news written all over it. If Raiders owner Al Davis is still alive (which is questionable), he will not create the kind of atmosphere that young Mr. Pryor needs. Good luck, Terrell.
What Won't Happen - The Chargers won't make a deep playoff run. Despite constantly have one of the most talented rosters in the league, San Diego always seems to underachieve. Last year, dreadful special teams cost them a playoff berth. A lot of blame has to go to head coach Norv Turner, who is still a head coach despite 13 years of head coaching in which he's lost more games than he's won while having what most people consider a more talented team. It's like everyone else in the league is driving racecars and he's driving a tricycle.
What Might Happen - The Broncos might surprise some people. Kyle Orton is a serviceable quarterback, they look to have a strong running game, and the defense gets their best player back from injury (Elvis Dumervil) along with a potentially important rookie in Von Miller. As long as they keep Friar Tebow off the field, they could be ok.VERDICT: Mostly terrible. I was waaayy off here. The Chargers didn't win the division. I was right that they didn't make a deep playoff run, but only because they didn't even make the playoffs. I wasted space writing about Terrelle Pryor whose name probably wasn't mentioned once by anyone in football all year, although I did call Al Davis' death which is more creepy and depressing than impressive. I would give myself credit for saying the Broncos could be a surprise team, but I also said that would only happen if they kept Tebow off the field. Way wrong on that one. Forgive me Tebow, for I have sinned.

 

 

 

NFC East - Winner - Philly Eagles
What Will Happen - Mike Vick will get hurt, and how the Eagles handle his injury will be the key to their season. Vick runs too much and takes too many sacks (34 in just 12 games last year) to stay healthy for the entire season. Since they traded Kevin Kolb, Philly has Vince Young as Vick's backup. Young has had flashes of excellence along with flashes of awfulness. How long Vick is out for and how Young plays during that time will determine if the Eagles make a Super Bowl run or become the Yankees of the NFL (you know spend all kinds of money but don't win championships...zing! Sorry, Chig).
What Won't Happen - The Giants won't have a winning record. It's not all New York's fault as the team has suffered an almost comical number of injuries already this season. So far, the Giants have lost 4 cornerbacks, 2 linebackers, and Pro Bowl defensive ends Osi Umenyiora and Justin Tuck to injuries. At this rate, the Giants will be holding try-outs like in the movie Invincible by October just to field a full time. All this means more pressure on Eli Manning to produce, and Eli threw 25 interceptions last year. Not good.
What Might Happen - The Cowboys might be back as serious contenders. Listen, I hate the Cowboys just as much as the next guy, but there's some positive signs coming out of Dallas. Say what you want about Tony Romo, and I have, but he's thrown for over 3,000 yards and 25 TDs in 3 of the last 4 years and was on pace to do it again last year before he got hurt. Miles Austin, Dez Bryant, and Jason Witten are as good a pass catching trio as there is in the league, and DeMarcus Ware might be the best pass rusher in the league. Add in a full season for new coach Jason Garrett, who finished last season 5-3, and new defensive coordinator Rob Ryan and the Cowboys might be making some noise this season.

VERDICT: In the words of Charles Barkely, this was terrible, terrible, terrible. The Eagles did not win the division. They didn't even have a winning record. Vick did get hurt for a little bit, but it didn't matter. The Cowboys were definitely not back as serious contenders. They didn't have a winning record either. A full season of coach Jason Garrett turned out to not be such a good things since they blew multiple 4th quarter leads and he actually iced his own kicker to lose a game. Oh yeah, and I said the Giants wouldn't have a winning recored, and they're playing in the Super Bowl next week. Let's just move on.

 

NFC North - Winner - Green Bay Packers
What Will Happen - The Vikings will be a playoff team. The Vikings only had 6 wins last season, but that's what happens when you start a quarterback name Tarvaris. They still have the best running back in the league with Adrian Peterson. They should still have a solid defense. And, they add Donovan McNabb who may have just enough left in the tank to make one more title run in his career.
What Won't Happen - The Packers won't suffer the Super Bowl hangover. Their roster is too talented to let them have a down year. Also, they won the Super Bowl last year despite suffering a list of injuries that included losing their starting running back and tight end. Now, all those guys are back along with almost the entire team that just won the Super Bowl. As long as Aaron Rodgers doesn't go down, they'll make another run.
What Might Happen - The Lions might finally be respectable. They've built a scary defensive line that will harass quarterbacks all year. They have playmakers across the board on offense. The only question is if quarterback Matt Stafford can finally stay healthy. He's missed 19 games in two years. He's played in 13. That's not good. Stafford plays all season, and the Lions have a winning record. I'm not sure about the rules, but if I were the Lions I'd wrap Stafford in every kind of padding I could find and make him look like the Michelin Man out there to keep him healthy.

VERDICT: Hit or Miss. I hit on the Packers winning the division and not suffering a Super Bowl hangover. They were the best team in the league for most of the regular season. I also hit on the Lions being respectable. Matt Stafford stayed healthy, and Detroit finally made the playoffs. However, I totally missed on the Vikings being a playoff team. My reasoning that Donovan McNabb would lead them was also way off since he got benched not even halfway through the year and then cut from the team. That's a big miss.

 

NFC South - Winner - New Orleans Saints
What Will Happen - Someone besides last year's winner Atlanta Falcons will win this division. I picked the Saints, but it could be the Bucs. Either way it won't be the Falcons. Since the NFL realigned the divisions in 2002, no team has ever won the NFC South two seasons in a row. I don't know why this is, or how to explain it, I'm just going to go with it.
What Won't Happen - We won't see any Jimmy Clausen this season. Cam Newton will do enough to keep the Carolina QB job all year leaving Clausen on the bench and out of football and the public eye altogether. And I think we can all agree that no Clausen is a win for all of America.
What Might Happen - The Falcons might have a down year after 13 wins last season. They play in perhaps the toughest division in football meaning any slight slip could allow the Saints and Bucs to pass them up. Their young and talented QB along with a stable of offensive weapons should keep them winning, but I have a hunch based on no real evidence that they won't make the playoffs. If that's not scientific enough reasoning for you, then you're in the wrong place.

VERDICT: Mostly right. The Saints did win the division. There was no Jimmy Clausen because Cam Newton was awesome. And, the Falcons did have a slightly worse year than last season, but they did make the playoffs. The worst prediction in this section? I said the Bucs could win the division. They went 4-12 and fired their coach. Oh well.

 

NFC West - Winner - Arizona Cardinals
What Will Happen - This will continue to be the worst division in football. Last year, the Seahawks won it with an 8-8 record, and 8 wins might do it again. I really think they should just pool their resources and combine their rosters to make one average team.
What Won't Happen - The Rams won't be the breakout team many people are predicting. They do have some nice young pieces to build around, especially QB Sam Bradford, but their first seven games are Eagles, at Giants, Ravens, Redskins, at Packers, at Cowboys, Saints. That could easily be a 1-6 or 2-5 start, and most teams don't bounce back from starts like that, especially young teams.
What Might Happen - Coach Pete Carroll's squad in his second season here might be worse than his last University of Southern California team. All of his USC QBs were better than the Tarvaris Jackson situation he has going in Seattle.

VERDICT:Mostly wrong. I was right on the Rams not being any good. In fact, I was really right since they tied for the worst record in the entire league with just 2 wins. Besides the Rams though, I was way wrong on this division. The Cardinals didn't come anywhere near winning the division. The NFC West as a whole wasn't anywhere near being the worst division in football, not with the AFC East consisting of the Pats and 3 teams without a winning record and the AFC West with a 3-way tie at 8-8 for the division lead. The Seahawks weren't as terrible as I predicted. And, I didn't even mention the 49ers. You know, the team that went 13-3 and were a capable punt returner away from the Super Bowl.

AFC Championship - Steelers over Pats

The Pats did make it, and won. So there's that.

NFC Championship - Eagles over Saints

Oops.

Super Bowl - Steelers over Eagles - I told you I'm a homer, and a PA Super Bowl would be cool.

Well, if it wasn't for Tebow, Ben's broken ankle, Ryan Clark's blood disorder, and the Eagles sucking, I would've been right on. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

 

Overall, I could have been much worse, and I'll take that as a victory. I'm a "glass half full" type of guy like that.

 

Manly Man of the Week - Tim Thomas

I'm making Boston Bruins goalie Tim Thomas this week's Manly Man of the week for having the nerve to tell the President of the United States to shove it. While the rest of his Bruins' teammates went to the White House this week to celebrate their Stanley Cup win last year, Thomas said he doesn't like any of the politicians in D.C. and chose not to go. I don't want to turn this into a political debate because I don't know or care if Thomas is Republican, Democrat, or Jedi Knight. I just like the fact that he was invited to the White House, and he told the leader of the free world to kiss his ass. If that's not manly, I don't know what is.

 

NFL Playoffs Round 2

    The first round of the NFL Playoffs is over, and we learned 3 things for sure - 1. Drew Brees is really good and can score a lot of points. 2. The Giants may be peaking at the perfect time. 3. Don't ever bet against God's favorite quarterback.
    The second round starts this weekend, and this is when things get really interesting. The best teams are playing after a week of rest, and this weekend's winners will be just one game away from the Super Bowl. So, which teams are best equipped to make it all the way? To win the Super Bowl in today's football, there's two things a team needs - a good quarterback and a good coach. If one is just average, the other better be great. Take a look at the coach-QB combination for the Super Bowl winners from the last 20 years. The only exception is 2000-2001 Baltimore Ravens with Brian Billick and Trent Dilfer, but they had one of the greatest defenses of all-time. But with the current rules that outlaw physical defense, having a great coach-QB combo is even more important. Still, the only team with a legitimately bad defense to win a Super Bowl in the past 20 years was the 2006-2007 Colts. So while defense alone might not win championships, you still need a solid defense to win it all.
    So, let's breakdown this weekend's games by coaches, quarterbacks, and defenses to see who (if my completely un-scientific formula for winning a Super Bowl that is only loosely based on facts) should win and make a championship run.

Saints at 49ers
Coaches - Saints Sean Peyton vs. 49ers Jim Harbaugh
Peyton has already won a Super Bowl and has proven to be one of the best play-callers in the NFL. New Orleans finished the season 1st in total offense, 1st in passing offense, 6th in rushing offense, and 1st in points scored. Peyton has been through playoff battles before and knows how to maximize the talents of his veteran team. Harbaugh is in just his first year as an NFL coach, but he has been working miracles with this 49ers team. He took a team that went 6-10 last year and turned them into a 13-3 division winner all with just about a month to prepare due to the lockout. That's pretty impressive stuff. He also created an offense that was able to make career disappointment Alex Smith into a decent quarterback, no small feat. Still, this is his first NFL Playoff game.
Edge - Slight edge for the Saints

QBs - Saints Drew Brees vs. 49ers Alex Smith
While Harbaugh has done a nice job molding Smith, this is no contest. Drew Brees is one of the top 3 QBs in the league. He just broke Dan Marino's record for most passing yards in a season with 5,476. He's averaging over 8 yards per pass and has thrown for 46 TDs with just 14 INTS. Smith has played efficiently this season (17 TDs to just 5 INTs), but he is rarely asked to do much. He ranked 20th in passes attempted during the season, and no QB ranked behind him started every game like Smith did. Also, Drew Brees has won a Super Bowl. Alex Smith has never played in a playoff game.
Edge - Big edge Saints

Defenses - The 49ers finished 2nd in the league giving up just 14.3 points per game. The Saints finished 13th giving up 21.2. However, New Orleans finished up strong holding their final 5 opponents to 20 points or fewer before giving up 25 to the Lions last week. Not bad, but the 49ers held 7 teams to 11 points or fewer this season.
Edge - 49ers

The Pick - This game will be played outside in San Francisco, and the Saints offense is not nearly as dangerous outdoors as it is in their home dome. But, New Orleans' experience at the coach and quarterback position will be enough to overcome the 49ers superior defense. Look at it this way: Alex Smith will not lead the 49ers to more than 21 points, so for San Francisco to win they'd have to hold Drew Brees to under 21 points. Not happening.


Broncos at Patriots

Coaches - Broncos John Fox vs. Pats Bill Belichick

Belicheck? Evil emperor? Same thing.

Fox did make it to the Super Bowl in 2003 and a conference championship game in 2005. But, he was beaten by Belichick in that Super Bowl, and Belichick has won 3 Super Bowls. Of course, Fox isn't nearly as evil or soul-less as Belichick either for whatever that's worth.
Edge - Pats

QBs - Broncos Tim Tebow vs. Pats Tom Brady
At the risk of getting struck by lightning, this one is easy. Brady is a much better quarterback. I shouldn't even have to back up this statement with facts, but here are a few quick ones. Brady's Pats averaged 32 points per game. With Tebow starting, Denver averaged 18 points per game. That's two touchdowns less. I'm done. Although if Brady comes down with a mysterious case of leprosy before the game, then Tebow might be better.
Edge - Pats

This guy is starting on defense for the Pats.

Defense - This is the one area where the Broncos actually have an advantage. Denver has a good defense. The Pats are playing wide receiver Julian Edelman regularly on defense. He's their 3rd cornerback. He's recorded 3 times as many tackles as catches this year. They are also starting guys named Rob Ninkovich and James Ihedigbo. I also think they may have signed a Boston-area bouncer to play linebacker, but I'm not sure.
Edge - Broncos

The Pick - The Pats should win this one big. Unless, of course, some more divine intervention alters the outcome. And, at this point, I wouldn't even be surprised. I'm ready for anything when it comes to Tim Tebow. The entire Patriots team coming down with a case of boils. Boston Harbor turning into blood right before the game. A swarm of locust disrupting a last-second game-winning field goal by the Pats. Tebow parting the New England defense by just holding out his hands. Tebow multiplying 3-point field goals into 9 pointers like the fishes and loaves. I just don't know anymore. Logic says the Pats should win, but faith follows no logic.

Texans at Ravens
Coaches - Texans Gary Kubiak vs. Ravens John Harbaugh
Last week was Kubiak's first playoff game ever. But, he won, so that's good I guess. Harbaugh has made the playoffs in each of his first four seasons, but he's just 4-3. Kubiak has his team in the playoffs despite being down to his 3rd string rookie QB, playing without his best playmaker Andre Johnson, and losing his best defensive player Mario Williams. Still, the Ravens beat 7 teams with winning records this year while the Texans beat just 4.
Edge - Slight edge Ravens

QBs - Texans TJ Yates vs. Ravens Joe Flacco.

Yates is a rookie who began the year as a third string afterthought. Last week, he completed just 55% of his passes for just 159 yards. Now, he has to face the Ravens defense. Not good. But, Flacco may have actually taken a step backwards this season. He completed just 57% of his throws for just 6.6 yards per attempt, both career lows. He's also does not have a very impressive playoff resume. In fact, he sucks in the playoffs. He's thrown 4 TDs and 7 INTs in 7 career playoff games. Of course, when you look like a Sesame Street muppet, you're probably not going to be a good NFL quarterback. But, I'm still not even sure if TJ Yates knows how he could possibly be starting an NFL Playoff game.
Edge - Slight edge Ravens

Defense - Both teams have very good defenses. Baltimore's defense finished #2 in stopping the run, #4 in stopping the pass, and #3 in points allowed. Houston finished #4 in stopping the run, #3 in stopping the pass, and #4 in points allowed. Like I said, both very good. Throw in the fact that TJ Yates sucks and Joe Flacco will almost certainly crap the bed, and we have te recipe for a defensive struggle in this game. I think there's a better chance that Ed Reed, Ray Lewis, or Terrell Suggs makes a big play and scored a defensive TD than anyone on the Texans defense. Also, Yates might soil himself when he sees old Ray-Ray up to his old tricks.
Edge - Slight edge Ravens

The Pick - This should be a close game, but the Ravens are just a little bit better in every area, including in quarterback's ability to grow a unibrow and defensive star's ability to commit and get away with murder. The Ravens will win.

Giants at Packers
Coaches - Giants Tom Coughlin vs. Packers Mike McCarthy
Both coaches have won a Super Bowl. Coughlin won his by beating the undefeated Pats in 2008. McCarthy won his by beating the Steelers last year despite having roughly 37 players injured. Neither is hailed as a genius, but both are solid quality coaches.
Edge - Push

QBs - Giants Eli Manning vs. Packers Aaron Rodgers
Again, both have won Super Bowls. Rodgers is more consistent while Eli is more of a roller coaster ride. Eli has proven to be one of the best QBs in the league in clutch situation. But, Rodgers may be playing quarterback better than anyone has ever played the position. He finished the year with 45 TDs to just 6 INTs. That's insane. He also completed over 68% of his passes while averaging over 9 yards per attempt, the league's best by almost a full yard. Plus, which would you rather have, a guy like Rodgers who won a championship so he carries around a WWE-style championship belt like a bad-ass, or a weeny like Eli?
Edge - Packers

Defense - Statistically, neither team has a very good defense. Both finished in the bottom of the league in stopping the run, stopping the pass, and points allowed. But, both forced a lot of turnovers. So, this game is going to come down to which defense can force the other team's offense into making mistakes.

The Pick - Packers. I think it's much more likely that Eli has a stinker and throws some picks than it is that Rodgers will have a bad game.

Manly Man of the Week - Nick Hill
Who is Nick Hill? I'll tell you. He's a redshirt freshman running back from Michigan State University. He must've done something pretty awesome for the Spartans in the bowl win, right? Wrong. He was the team's starting kick returner, but that's about it. He's the Manly Man of the Week just for the awesome tattoo he got. The Spartan running back got a bad-ass tattoo of one of the Spartans from the Movie "300" along the entire side of his body. The Spartans in that movie are manly men. Tattoos are for manly men. Therefore a huge tattoo of a "300" Spartan is super manly. I just hope he never transfers schools. That would be awkward.

A Steelers Rant & the Real Magic of Tebow

   First, let's get the mini-rant out of the way. There is plenty of blame to go around for the Steelers loss to the 8-8 Broncos yesterday. Big Ben complete barely over 50% of his passes, threw a costly (and terribly thrown) interception, and was unable to complete the comeback on the final drive. Even worse, on first down at the Denver 45 with 29 seconds left to play, Ben fumbled and lost 11 yards. The thin air in Denver makes kicking a whole lot easier. A completion in that situation gives kicker Shaun Suisham (who was a perfect 3 for 3 on the day) a great chance to win the game. Even a couple incompletions would still have had Suisham trying a 62-yarder, extremely difficult but not impossible. Aside from Ben, backup center Doug Legursky snapped a ball about 11 feet over Ben's head late in the first half costing the Steelers atleast a field goal. Mike Wallace dropped a long pass with Ben throwing the interception on the very next play. Ike Taylor's struggles were obvious. He was beaten for a pair of 50-yard completions in the second quarter, was called for a 32-yard pass interference penalty later, and was beaten for the game-winning 80-yard pass in overtime. James Harrison, Lamar Woodley, and the rest of the Steelers' front 7 put no pressure on Tebow for the entire game. Tebow wasn't sacked once and was rarely forced to throw under pressure.

I think they're planning their escape route
from Pittsburgh. They need to lay low for
awhile and let the angry mobs cool down.

   It's clear that there are plenty of players capable of sharing the blame for the loss, but I can't let the coaches off the hook either. Despite Issac Redman success running the football, the Steelers never seemed committed to the ground game. Redman gained 121 yards on just 17 carries. Now, perhaps the high altitude combined with Redman's most extensive playing time of his career caused the coaches to worry about tiring him out. Without Rashard Mendenhall, the Steelers were thin on backs, so maybe Redman was tiring and the coaches didn't feel comfortable running him more. Of course, they didn't really try to run him more, so I guess we'll never know. Maybe, running more would have tired Denver's pass rush, taken the crowd out of the game, and not forced the QB with the broken ankle to throw 40 times. I'm not a professional coach, but I don't think you want a guy with a broken ankle deciding your playoff success. Even with the questionable play-calling, I have to question the defensive coaching even more. I know it might sound like blasphemy to question Dick LeBeau, but I can't help it. The Steelers finished the regular season #1 in the league in points and yards allowed. They didn't let people score, or even move the ball. Their pass defense was spectacular at defending the big play. During the 16 game season, they allowed exactly 2 passes of 40 yards or more. They did this, aside from the New England game, by playing their typical zone defense. They didn't let receivers behind them, and they made sure tackles on short passes. It worked. For this game, they abandoned their normal gameplan and used a lot of tight man-to-man coverage. Apparently concerned about Tebow and the Broncos running, they stacked the line and left Ike Taylor alone in coverage. They allowed 4 passes of 40 yards. I'm not a math teacher, but I believe that is twice as many deep passes allowed yesterday as they allowed in the previous 16 games. The Steelers defense was not broken, yet the coaching staff decided that they had to fix it. They changed what they did all year for Timmy Tebow, and it completely backfired.
   This all leads me to what I believe is truly the magic of Tim Tebow. He doesn't play the quarterback position well. I'm not buying that he makes his teammates better by being such a fantastic leader. It doesn't make any sense to just say "he knows how to win." His real magic is that he makes other teams worse. Through his own overstated faith and the media taking every success he's ever had and blowing it completely out of proportion, a mystique has grown around Tebow. Other teams get nervous playing against him even when they have no sane reason to be nervous. The Steelers always stop the run well, even against good running teams. They didn't change their defensive schemes this season when they played against the NFL's leading rusher Maurice Jones-Drew, last year's top rusher Arian Foster, or the year before that leading rusher Chris Johnson. They played their defense and trusted their guys to stop the run like they always do. Against Tim Tebow? They abandoned their successful defense for something new. Fear of Tebow caused them to do that. Did fear of Tebow cause the Bears to try a little to hard to get that last first down to beat the Broncos when Marion Barber ran out of bounds and stopped the clock? Was Barber so afraid of a Tebow comeback that he then fumbled trying to gain some extra yards in overtime? Probably not, but Tebow still caused the Bears to play worse. Vikings QB Christian Ponder threw a terrible interception in the final minutes that gift-wrapped a win for the Broncos in Week 13. The week before, the Chargers missed a game-winning field goal to allow Denver a comeback win. A look through Denver's schedule shows a bunch of Tebow wins courtesy of very very poor performances by the opposition. It can't be a coincidence that all of these teams just happen to play bad against against Tim Tebow. Tebow is always on TV talking about his faith, and everything God has allowed him to do. ESPN talks about nothing but Tebow after his wins. Somewhere along the line this combination of possible divine intervention and a media created monster has caused doubt to creep into the minds of opposing players. They aren't playing Tebow the man. They're playing Tebow the legend who also may have help coming from the heavens. This is Tebow's real trick. His magic is that he causes athletes and coaches who are normally supremely confident in their abilities to re-think everything. As soon as the Broncos catch a lucky break during a game, which every team in the league does, it's not just another lucky break. It's something more. TebowTime is starting. He isn't getting better. He's making everyone else worse. And, it's just as effective.

Also, he may in all actuality have God on his side. I think I might be cheering for the Broncos for the rest of the playoffs just in case. I don't want to be smited and damned to an eternity in hell for rooting against God's favorite QB. I'm just playing it safe.

Playoffs?

Playoffs? Playoffs! Playoffs? You wanna talk about playoffs?

Ok, now that I got that out of the way, it's playoff time in the NFL. The playoff schedule opens up this week with the four wildcard games. On Saturday, Cincinnati will travel to Houston and Detroit will go to New Orleans. Then on Sunday, the Giants will host the Falcons followed by the Steelers going to Denver. I'm excited. Let's take a look at each game this weekend.

Bengals at Texans
   These two teams played just a month ago with Houston scoring 10 fourth quarter points from a 20-19 comeback win. The win guaranteed a playoff spot for the Texans for the first time in franchise history. Rookie QB T.J. Yates, making only his second career start, led Houston on a game-winning drive. Now, Yates is coming off of a separated shoulder in last week's game. If Yates can't play, the Texans will be forced to go with their 4th string QB, Jake Delhomme. This is a big deal because Jake Delhomme sucks. In the last meeting, the only reason the Bengals kept the game close was because of turnovers. Houston had more rushing yards, passing yards, and first downs. Cincinnati stayed in the game because Yates threw an interception and the Texans lost 3 fumbles. If Delhomme has to play, he's good for atleast 4 turnovers by himself. The 36-year-old Delhomme has thrown 25 interceptions and lost 7 fumbles in his last 16 games. For Houston's sake let's hope Yates stays healthy. Also, if your playoff hopes rest in the hands of your rookie 5th round pick who began the year as your 3rd string QB, you might be in trouble.

   As for the Bengals, they will also be relying on their rookie QB, Andy Dalton, to get a playoff win. And, playoff wins have been hard to come by in Cincinnati. The Bengals haven't won a playoff game since 1990. Seriously, 1990. There are people graduating college this year who weren't alive the last time the Bengals won a playoff game. Now, their red-headed savior needs to go into Houston to break the streak.
   A discouraging fact for Bengals' fans (if any exist, I mean they had to offer buy one get one free tickets to last week's Ravens game), but Cincinnati has beaten exactly one team with a winning record this season, the 9-7 Tennessee Titans.
   I think this one could go either way, but I'm going to be rooting for the Texans. I like stability in my life. I like to live in a world where the grass is green, the sky is blue, and the Bengals don't win playoff games.

Lions at Saints
   Get a calculator out for this one. The Saints finished 2nd in the league in points scored, and the Lions finished 4th. The Saints have scored 30 points or more 10 times this season and have scored over 40 points in each of their last three games. The Lions have scored 30 points or more 7 times this season. So, expect a whole lot of points and almost no defense. You know, just like all these crappy college football games that have been on all week. The one big difference in this game: Detroit has given up over 30 points 5 times this year including 45 last week to a Packers team that had nothing to play for and was using a backup quarterback.
   I wouldn't be surprised if both teams got close to 40 points in this game, but in the end I think the Saints will get 1 or 2 stops while I'm not sure if the Lions will stop New Orleans once. In fact, I think Detroit's best chance to stop the Saints is to let crazy Ndamakung Suh ninja kick Drew Brees and as many other Saints as possible.


Falcons at Giants
   I have no idea how this game is going to go. The Giants started out 6-2, then lost 4 straight. They beat the Patriots in New England. They lost to Seattle and Washington at home. The Falcons won 10 games, but went just 2-3 against teams with a winning record. They scored 30 or more points 7 times. They were held to 14 or less 4 times. There's a chance both of these teams are complete frauds. One will have to win this week, and then they'll get blown out next week. There's also a chance one of these teams gets hot and challenges for a Super Bowl spot. I just have no idea.

   In close match-ups like this, the game often comes down to which QB plays better the clutch situations. Eli Manning has a 4-3 record in the playoffs with 8 TDs and 7 INTs. Not exactly inspiring numbers, although he did win a Super Bowl in that span. Matt Ryan has a 0-2 playoff record with 3 TDs and 3 INTs. Less inspiring stuff. I'm still not sure, but if I was a betting man I'd probably have to go with Eli in this one. And if this guy is the guy you're trusting to be cool in the clutch, I'm just not sure you're in a good place.

Steelers at Broncos
   At first glance, this looks like it should be the easiest game to predict. The Steelers, at 12-4, finished with tied for the 2nd best record in the AFC, but because of two losses to Baltimore, fell to the 5th seed. The Broncos finished just 8-8 including 3 straight losses to end the season. I'm still not sure how a team can lose its last 3 games and still with its division, but that's a whole different issue. Denver's offense is nothing but offensive, and Pittsburgh has the #1 defense in points and yards allowed. It looks like the Steelers should be able to roll into Denver and take care of business.
   However, a closer look reveals some interesting subplots. First, Pittsburgh is not a healthy team. Big Ben re-injured his ankle last week and has been less effective these past few games when he clearly couldn't move around like he used to. Rashard Mendenhall is done for the rest of the year. Maurkice Pouncey may miss the game with his ankle injury. Ryan Clark can't play because his a blood disease that could cause his organs to fail in the altitude of Denver. Lamar Woodley has been battling a hamstring injury for months. And, reserve cornerbacks Keenan Lewis and Cortez Allen were both injured last week and will not play.
   In addition to the injuries, the Steelers need to be careful not to overlook the Broncos. This game is eerily similar to last year's Saints-Seahawks playoff battle. The Saints were heavy favorites but had to travel to Seattle because the 7-9 Seahawks won their lousy division. Nobody gave Seattle a chance, but they stunned New Orleans with an inspired performance. Now, the heavily favored Steelers have to travel to Denver because the Broncos won their lousy division. Sounds familiar, and I don't like it.
   And finally, despite his overwhelming suckyness the past month, playing against Tim Tebow scares the hell out of me. He seriously looked like he had some divine intervention helping him when he won 7 of his first 8 games with 5 of those wins by four points or less. But lately, he must have missed a day of church or something because that divine intervention has disappeared. He has lost 3 straight and committed 7 turnovers in those three losses. But, as we all know, all Tim has to do is go to confession, and he'll be forgiven of whatever transgression has caused his suckyness. After he's given forgiveness, who knows what kind of miracle he'll be able to pull off. Frankly, he scares me. I just hope he misses Confession this week so he doesn't become best buddies with God again because if he does, the Steelers could be in big trouble.

Manly Man of the Week - Metta World Peace

The NBA has finally returned, and with it, the cast of characters that make up the league. Perhaps the most interesting, is Lakers' forward Ron Artest who legally changed his name to Metta World Peace during the offseason. He now wears a jersey with "World Peace" on the back, and while this may make him seem more noble, he is still just as insane as ever. This is a guy who went on the Jimmy Kimmel Show in his underwear, admitted to drinking liquor at halftime of games, and started the biggest on-court fight in NBA history. The name changed didn't change Metta as he started off this year with this gem of a quote when asked why rookies call him "Metta" while the older players still call him "Ron":

     

     "Well, I'm just happy that Jesus Christ, um, did not let me lose my teeth when I was 20 years old. 'Cause I was wondering, like, what if you kept your baby teeth until the age of 18 or 20, and then you lose 'em? That would look pretty bad. So I just think he's really brilliant that you lose your teeth when you're a baby rather than you lose them when you're, like, 30 or 20. That has nothing to do with your question, but that was definitely on my mind.

I was, um, just thinking about it. And I was just like, wow, what if I lost my teeth, like, today? And I'm 32. You know? And then my new teeth would grow back in. You know? I was just thinking about that. And I was like, that's really pretty brilliant; he actually thought about like people's image and, you know, persona and things like that. 'Cause you would be pretty ugly with no teeth at the age of 20, 18, you know? So not only did he build the world in seven days, seven nights, he also said, OK, let them lose their teeth early, rather than late."

None of this makes him manly, but it does make him incredibly entertaining. I like entertaining, so he's the Manly Man of the Week.