Playoffs?

Playoffs? Playoffs! Playoffs? You wanna talk about playoffs?

Ok, now that I got that out of the way, it's playoff time in the NFL. The playoff schedule opens up this week with the four wildcard games. On Saturday, Cincinnati will travel to Houston and Detroit will go to New Orleans. Then on Sunday, the Giants will host the Falcons followed by the Steelers going to Denver. I'm excited. Let's take a look at each game this weekend.

Bengals at Texans
   These two teams played just a month ago with Houston scoring 10 fourth quarter points from a 20-19 comeback win. The win guaranteed a playoff spot for the Texans for the first time in franchise history. Rookie QB T.J. Yates, making only his second career start, led Houston on a game-winning drive. Now, Yates is coming off of a separated shoulder in last week's game. If Yates can't play, the Texans will be forced to go with their 4th string QB, Jake Delhomme. This is a big deal because Jake Delhomme sucks. In the last meeting, the only reason the Bengals kept the game close was because of turnovers. Houston had more rushing yards, passing yards, and first downs. Cincinnati stayed in the game because Yates threw an interception and the Texans lost 3 fumbles. If Delhomme has to play, he's good for atleast 4 turnovers by himself. The 36-year-old Delhomme has thrown 25 interceptions and lost 7 fumbles in his last 16 games. For Houston's sake let's hope Yates stays healthy. Also, if your playoff hopes rest in the hands of your rookie 5th round pick who began the year as your 3rd string QB, you might be in trouble.

   As for the Bengals, they will also be relying on their rookie QB, Andy Dalton, to get a playoff win. And, playoff wins have been hard to come by in Cincinnati. The Bengals haven't won a playoff game since 1990. Seriously, 1990. There are people graduating college this year who weren't alive the last time the Bengals won a playoff game. Now, their red-headed savior needs to go into Houston to break the streak.
   A discouraging fact for Bengals' fans (if any exist, I mean they had to offer buy one get one free tickets to last week's Ravens game), but Cincinnati has beaten exactly one team with a winning record this season, the 9-7 Tennessee Titans.
   I think this one could go either way, but I'm going to be rooting for the Texans. I like stability in my life. I like to live in a world where the grass is green, the sky is blue, and the Bengals don't win playoff games.

Lions at Saints
   Get a calculator out for this one. The Saints finished 2nd in the league in points scored, and the Lions finished 4th. The Saints have scored 30 points or more 10 times this season and have scored over 40 points in each of their last three games. The Lions have scored 30 points or more 7 times this season. So, expect a whole lot of points and almost no defense. You know, just like all these crappy college football games that have been on all week. The one big difference in this game: Detroit has given up over 30 points 5 times this year including 45 last week to a Packers team that had nothing to play for and was using a backup quarterback.
   I wouldn't be surprised if both teams got close to 40 points in this game, but in the end I think the Saints will get 1 or 2 stops while I'm not sure if the Lions will stop New Orleans once. In fact, I think Detroit's best chance to stop the Saints is to let crazy Ndamakung Suh ninja kick Drew Brees and as many other Saints as possible.


Falcons at Giants
   I have no idea how this game is going to go. The Giants started out 6-2, then lost 4 straight. They beat the Patriots in New England. They lost to Seattle and Washington at home. The Falcons won 10 games, but went just 2-3 against teams with a winning record. They scored 30 or more points 7 times. They were held to 14 or less 4 times. There's a chance both of these teams are complete frauds. One will have to win this week, and then they'll get blown out next week. There's also a chance one of these teams gets hot and challenges for a Super Bowl spot. I just have no idea.

   In close match-ups like this, the game often comes down to which QB plays better the clutch situations. Eli Manning has a 4-3 record in the playoffs with 8 TDs and 7 INTs. Not exactly inspiring numbers, although he did win a Super Bowl in that span. Matt Ryan has a 0-2 playoff record with 3 TDs and 3 INTs. Less inspiring stuff. I'm still not sure, but if I was a betting man I'd probably have to go with Eli in this one. And if this guy is the guy you're trusting to be cool in the clutch, I'm just not sure you're in a good place.

Steelers at Broncos
   At first glance, this looks like it should be the easiest game to predict. The Steelers, at 12-4, finished with tied for the 2nd best record in the AFC, but because of two losses to Baltimore, fell to the 5th seed. The Broncos finished just 8-8 including 3 straight losses to end the season. I'm still not sure how a team can lose its last 3 games and still with its division, but that's a whole different issue. Denver's offense is nothing but offensive, and Pittsburgh has the #1 defense in points and yards allowed. It looks like the Steelers should be able to roll into Denver and take care of business.
   However, a closer look reveals some interesting subplots. First, Pittsburgh is not a healthy team. Big Ben re-injured his ankle last week and has been less effective these past few games when he clearly couldn't move around like he used to. Rashard Mendenhall is done for the rest of the year. Maurkice Pouncey may miss the game with his ankle injury. Ryan Clark can't play because his a blood disease that could cause his organs to fail in the altitude of Denver. Lamar Woodley has been battling a hamstring injury for months. And, reserve cornerbacks Keenan Lewis and Cortez Allen were both injured last week and will not play.
   In addition to the injuries, the Steelers need to be careful not to overlook the Broncos. This game is eerily similar to last year's Saints-Seahawks playoff battle. The Saints were heavy favorites but had to travel to Seattle because the 7-9 Seahawks won their lousy division. Nobody gave Seattle a chance, but they stunned New Orleans with an inspired performance. Now, the heavily favored Steelers have to travel to Denver because the Broncos won their lousy division. Sounds familiar, and I don't like it.
   And finally, despite his overwhelming suckyness the past month, playing against Tim Tebow scares the hell out of me. He seriously looked like he had some divine intervention helping him when he won 7 of his first 8 games with 5 of those wins by four points or less. But lately, he must have missed a day of church or something because that divine intervention has disappeared. He has lost 3 straight and committed 7 turnovers in those three losses. But, as we all know, all Tim has to do is go to confession, and he'll be forgiven of whatever transgression has caused his suckyness. After he's given forgiveness, who knows what kind of miracle he'll be able to pull off. Frankly, he scares me. I just hope he misses Confession this week so he doesn't become best buddies with God again because if he does, the Steelers could be in big trouble.

Manly Man of the Week - Metta World Peace

The NBA has finally returned, and with it, the cast of characters that make up the league. Perhaps the most interesting, is Lakers' forward Ron Artest who legally changed his name to Metta World Peace during the offseason. He now wears a jersey with "World Peace" on the back, and while this may make him seem more noble, he is still just as insane as ever. This is a guy who went on the Jimmy Kimmel Show in his underwear, admitted to drinking liquor at halftime of games, and started the biggest on-court fight in NBA history. The name changed didn't change Metta as he started off this year with this gem of a quote when asked why rookies call him "Metta" while the older players still call him "Ron":

     

     "Well, I'm just happy that Jesus Christ, um, did not let me lose my teeth when I was 20 years old. 'Cause I was wondering, like, what if you kept your baby teeth until the age of 18 or 20, and then you lose 'em? That would look pretty bad. So I just think he's really brilliant that you lose your teeth when you're a baby rather than you lose them when you're, like, 30 or 20. That has nothing to do with your question, but that was definitely on my mind.

I was, um, just thinking about it. And I was just like, wow, what if I lost my teeth, like, today? And I'm 32. You know? And then my new teeth would grow back in. You know? I was just thinking about that. And I was like, that's really pretty brilliant; he actually thought about like people's image and, you know, persona and things like that. 'Cause you would be pretty ugly with no teeth at the age of 20, 18, you know? So not only did he build the world in seven days, seven nights, he also said, OK, let them lose their teeth early, rather than late."

None of this makes him manly, but it does make him incredibly entertaining. I like entertaining, so he's the Manly Man of the Week.