NFL Week 7

The NFL season is 6 weeks old, and we're starting to get a good handle on who's genuinely good and who's really bad. So, it seems like a good time to rank every team from worst to best. Let's get started.

32. Carolina Panthers (0-6)

They haven't won a game yet. They have the worst offense in the league having scored 52 points in 5 games. They're making Matt Moore, who they benched just weeks ago, they're starting QB again after Jimmy Clausen proved to be even worse. Atleast now Jimmy will have more time to spend on his sailing hobby.

31. Buffalo Bills (0-6)

The Bills are winless and are losing by an average of over 2 TDs a game. Let's just move on.

30. Cleveland Browns (1-5)

It's never a good thing when you're starting a rookie QB who began the year 3rd on your depth chart. That, and you're ranked 20th or worse in Passing Offense, Rushing Offense, Passing Defense, and Rushing Defense. Cleveland officially sucks in every aspect of the game.

29. San Francisco 49ers (1-5)

Their only win is against the Raiders, so that barely counts.

28. Oakland Raiders (2-4)

Jason Campbell was their big offseason pickup, and the Raiders were talked about as a possible sleeper. Now Campbell is on the bench behind some guy named Gradkowski, and Oakland fans are just sleeping through games.

27. Detroit Lions (1-5)

Its been 6 weeks and the Lions have already had 3 QBs throw atleast 15 passes. The one with the fewest attempts? Franchise QB Matt Stafford who got hurt in Week 1 and hasn't played since.

26. 25. San Diego Chargers (2-4) Dallas Cowboys (1-4)

Should either team be this be this bad? No, and they're stats aren't bad. But, special teams and penalties have really hurt both. The Chargers lost to the Seahawks, Raiders, and Rams in 3 of the last 4 weeks. Not good. The Cowboys have talent all over the field, but continue to make crucial mistakes at the worst possible times, a sign that Wade Phillips is a bad coach and Tony Romo is a natural born loser. Also, Miles Austin was just flagged for celebrating being ranked ahead of the Chargers here.

24. St. Louis Rams (3-3)

Yeah, the Rams are .500 but they're 0-2 on the road, including a 44-6 loss to the Lions, and 5 of their next 7 are on the road.

23. Denver Broncos (2-4)

Not a good record for the Broncos, but they've lost to some really good teams (Colts, Ravens, Jets). Interesting note: Denver only has 3 remaining games against teams that currently have a winning record (Chiefs twice, Texans), so there's still hope for the Broncos.

22. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-3)

All 3 of the Jags losses have come by atleast 25 points, and now their starting a QB who was cut by the Bills earlier this year. If you're counting on a Bills reject, you're in big trouble.

21. 20. Arizona Cardinals (3-2) and Seattle Seahawks (3-2)

I don't care that both these teams have winning records and are tied for 1st in the NFC West. They're both bad football teams. The Cards 2 losses have both been by more than 30, and 2 of their wins were over Rams and Raiders by a combined 5 points. For Seattle, Matt Hasselback has thrown more INTs than TDS, their leading rusher has less than 300 yards in 5 games, and their leading receiver hadn't caught a pass before this year since 2007. Yet one of these teams will probably win the division. I think this should be the trophy they give to the division winner.

19. Cincinnati Bengals (2-3)

The Bengals have struggled, and mark it down TO will cause a scene within the next month. Cincy already has a losing record and 7 of the Bengals next 8 games come against the Falcons, Colts, Dolphins, Steelers (twice), Saints, and Jets. That looks like a lot of losses, and TO will not be happy.

18. 17. Tampa Bay Bucs (3-2) Kansas City Chiefs (3-2)

Two teams that have been pleasant surprises in starting 3-2. But, their wins have come over bad teams (Panthers, Browns, Bengals, Chargers, 49ers) while they've lost big to better teams (Steelers, Saints, Colts, and Texans). So, they're good enough to beat any bad team and bad enough to lose to any good team. So that's settled.

16. Minnesota Vikings (2-3)

Not a good start for a team that had Super Bowl dreams. Now, the addition of Randy Moss may help turn things around by giving Brett Favre a deep threat. That is, as long as Favre doesn't get suspended for sending vulgar text and picture messages to a female Jets employee back when he played in New York. Wouldn't it be something if Favre's sacred consecutive games started streak is ended because he is suspended for sending a nudie pic? If you were gambling on how Favre's consecutive games started streak was going to end at the beginning of the year, how low down on the list would "being suspended for sending a picture of his thingy to team employee" have been? For me it would've been right after "didn't make it to the stadium in time because his John Deere ran out of gas" and right before "forgot he had a game and fell asleep watching the Weather Channel".

15. Green Bay Packers (3-3)

Here's a team that a lot of people thought could compete for the NFC title. They're still in good position to make a run, but a few glaring issues have popped up to question how legitimate their chances are. First, Ryan Grant went down and now they can't run the ball. At all. Second, Aaron Rodgers is coming off a concussion and will probably take a lot of hits with the Packers throwing as much as they have been. And third, a closer look at their schedule so far shows they've played 4 games against teams with winning records and lost 3 of them.

14. Washington Redskins (3-3)

The Skins are battling everyone tough. They're games have been decided by an average of just over 5 points a game. They may not have the firepower to make a serious run, but McNabb has kept them in every game, and they should remain a tough team to face for rest of the year.

13. Chicago Bears (4-2)

Perhaps the worst 4-2 team in NFL history. They can't run the ball (26th in the league). They can't throw the ball (22nd in the league). Their defense isn't as good as it used to be. Jay Cutler has been sacked 23 times in just 5 games. He already missed a game and a half because he was hurt, and his replacement, Todd Collins, was so bad that he's now been demoted to 3rd string. Yet, they're 4-2. I give up.

12. Miami Dolphins (3-2)

They lost a close one to the Jets and got blown out by the Pats, but they've already won in Green Bay and in Minnesota. This teams strikes me as dangerously average. The Dolphins can run the ball and Brandon Marshall is a great threat to have at receiver. But, the defense is suspect, and Chad Henne is not a reliable QB. They can beat anyone, but good teams will beat them.

11. Houston Texans (4-2)

I'm not sold. They lost to the 2 most talented teams they've faced (Giants, Cowboys) and could have easily lost to the Chiefs last week. The offense is for real though, and they can score on anyone. I'll need to see it for an entire season before I'm a believer.

10. 9. NY Giants (4-2) Philadelphia Eagles (4-2)

Two teams with the same record who will be fighting for the division all season. The Giants have won 3 straight, and their defense is back to getting after the quarterback and shutting teams down. The Eagles have one of the most interesting QB controversies of all time. Mike Vick and Kevin Kolb are both in the top 10 in QB Rating for the entire NFL. They haven't been healthy at the same time since Week 1. Now that they're both about to be healthy, what will the Eagles do? Pick one and sit the other? Play both? Alternate by quarter? By series? Either way I bet Philly fans boo someone about something.

8. Atlanta Falcons (4-2)

If it wasn't for the state of Pennsylvania, the Falcons would be undefeated as they won 4 straight after an opening day loss to the Steelers before falling to the Eagles last week. They run the ball extremely well and Matt Ryan is a solid QB.

7. Indianapolis Colts (4-2)

This might seem a little for the Colts, but they are battling a ridiculous number of injuries. They've struggled running the ball, and they could've easily lost to the Redskins and Chiefs in the last 2 weeks. However, Peyton Manning is still playing QB better than anybody. As long as he's there they can beat anyone.

6. Tennessee Titans (4-2)
Tennessee's defense and running game keep the Titans in every game. It's going to be very interesting to see how this 3-way tie for 1st in the AFC South ends up. I have Tennessee ranked higher here because they're healthier and have been playing better lately, but I'd bet on the Colts to someone end up on top.

5. New Orleans Saints (4-2)

The defending champs have not lived up to expectations thus far. The offense has not been the explosive unit it was last year, and the injury to Reggie Bush has really hurt. The Saints actually have not beaten a team with a winning record yet this season. However, Drew Brees is still playing at a really high level, and the champs are as dangerous as any team in the league.

4. Baltimore Ravens (4-2)
The D is as tough as always and will only get better when Ed Reed comes back. Boldin and Houshmandzadeh have made the offense more explosive than it has ever been. They're the only team to beat either the Jets or the Steelers.

3. New England Patriots (4-1)

You would think at some point trading Randy Moss and featuring a 5'9 white running back who looks like he was playing on the junior high team last week would catch up to the Pats. But, they keep winning, so we'll see.

Seriously, that's Danny Woodhead. He led the Patriots in rushing last week against the Ravens and is 2nd on the team in rushing for the season. We cannot confirm or deny that he'll miss the Pats next game because he's scheduled to take the SATs.

2. NY Jets (5-1)

After losing to the Ravens by 1 points on opening weekend, the Jets have reeled off 5 straight wins. LaDanian Tomlinson found the fountain of youth in New York and is running like its 2002. He and Shonn Greene are the best running back tandem in the league. The return of Santonio Holmes has made the offense even better. As long as Holmes stays away from the reefer, Braylon Edwards doesn't get another DUI, and coach Rex Ryan doesn't have a massive heart attack, the Jets have to be considered Super Bowl favorites.

1. Pittsburgh Steelers (4-1)

The Steelers have the league's best defense, a top running back, and just got back a 2-time Super Bowl winning QB. The fact that the Steelers went 3-1 with Dennis Dixon and Charlie Batch at QB shows how well the rest of the team is playing. Big Ben can push the team to a new level. The only things that can prevent the Steelers from making a title run are injuries, a late-night Big Ben party, and a James Harrison retirement because he thinks football is too sissy for him. He might do that.

Week 5 Picks

So I went 6-9 last week. It was a bad week. If I had any money to bet on football, I would have lost it. I don't want to talk about it. Let's just move on.

Denver (+7) at Baltimore

Hold the phone. When did Kyle Orton become the second coming of John Elway? He threw for 341 yards last week and has the Broncos leading the league in passing yards per game. Orton is on pace for 5,600 yards this season. You read that correct. Baltimore has not been overly impressive this year, but the Ravens are coming off a huge divisional win over the Steelers. Could this be a let-down game for Baltimore? Maybe, but more importantly the Ravens 4 games have been decided by a total of 16 points. Either way look for this one to be close. Take the Broncos and the points.

Jacksonville at Buffalo (pick)

Could this be the Bills last chance to win a game? You normally wouldn't say that about a team this early in the season, but Buffalo could be historically bad. After 4 games, they've lost by over 20 points twice. Their point differential of -64 is worst in the league. They just traded their starting tailback and former 1st round pick, Mershawn Lynch, for a future draft pick. Their General Manager just told Bills fans that the team can't be fixed overnight. Talk about an understatement. Now, in all fairness, the Jaguars have been fairly bad in their own right. Lucky for them, fairly bad trumps historically bad. I'll go with the Jags on the road.

Kansas City (-7) at Indianapolis

What a slap in the face this line is for the Chiefs. Has an undefeated team ever been this big of an underdog this late in the season? Now, two of Kansas City's three wins are over the 49ers and the Browns, but still. This will be the first big test of the Chiefs' season, and we will find out how good they actually are. The Colts are in an interesting situation here. They are only 2-2, and since both of their losses are against other teams in their division, they are actually in last place. Losing to Kansas City here would give them a losing record and a huge gap to make up within the division. They lost last week against the Jags after a controversial timeout call by Colts coach Jim Caldwell gave the Jags some extra time. While this was probably a bad call, Colts fans should be lucky Caldwell showed any sign of life. Despite the records, I still think the Colts are better, and more than 7 points better.

St. Louis (-3) at Detroit

Holy Cow, break up the Rams! St. Louis is on a 2 game winning streak after blowing out the Seahawks last week. However, both of those wins were at home, and now the Rams have to travel to Detroit. St. Louis has not had much success on the road recently. BUT, their last road win was last year against, yes, the Lions. It was the Rams only win last year. Overall, these two teams have combined for 5 wins over the last 2 years. Yikes. The Lions did play the Packers tough last week before finally losing by 2. I like the Lions playing at home to atleast cover.

Atlanta (-3) at Cleveland

Cleveland has been playing hard lately. Not well, but hard atleast. They did beat the disfunctional Bengals last week. And, Peyton Hillis had his 2nd straight 100-yard game last week. Where did this guy come from? He's on pace for almost 1,300 yards. And, he's white. Actually, Green Bay (John Kuhn), New England (Danny Woodhead), and the Browns have been led by white running backs in the past few weeks. What in the name of Merril Hoge is going on here? The Falcons have not been overly impressive this year, so I'll take the Browns and the points at home.

Tampa Bay (+6.5) at Cincinnati

The Bengals lost to the Browns last week. That's about all you need to know. After that, they shouldn't be favored by 6.5 over the St. Ann's School for the Blind let alone another NFL team. Give me the Bucs and the points. Also, TO and OchoCinco have a combined television show coming out. Seriously.

Chicago (-1) at Carolina

The Bears are coming off an absolute beatdown they received from the Giants last week. Chicago QBs were sacked 10 times. The Bears had to finish the game with the 3rd stringer taking snaps. It was not a pretty sight. Jay Cutler has been ruled out for the game, and Todd Collins will start. Yuck. However, the Panthers have yet to win a game. Their best player, Steve Smith, is hurt. Don't watch this game. This one might be playing at every sports bar in hell this week. Whatever. I'll take the Carolina.

Green Bay (-2.5) at Washington

The Redskins and McNabb are coming off a huge win in Philly last week, but now is no time to let down as the Packers are coming to town. Green Bay has been playing well, and their only loss came at Chicago in a game where the Packers committed roughly 47 penalties. I think the Packers D will harass McNabb and a Clinton Portis-less Redskins offense. Give me the Packers.

New York Giants (-3) at Houston

Is the Giants D back? They certainly took it to the Bears last week. But now, they have to face the Texans more potent offense. The Texans are in the top 10 in rushing and passing offense. Arian Foster has been the breakout star of the season so far. The rookie running back is on pace for over 2,000 rushing yards. After being benched at the beginning of the game last week for violating team rules, Foster came in for over 180 all-purpose yards with 2 TDs. Give me the Texans at home.

New Orleans (-6.5) at Arizona

Larry Fitzgerald must be crying himself to sleep at night dreaming of the days he was catching passes from Tyler Palko at Pitt let alone Dancing With the Stars phenom Kurt Warner in Arizona. The Cards have benched QB Derek Anderson for Max Hall. Who? That can't be good. Even though the Saints haven't really turned it on yet, I'm pretty sure they can handle the Cards.

San Diego (-6) at Oakland

The Raiders suck. Just take the Chargers and be done with it.

Tennessee (+7) at Dallas

This could be the game of the week right here. Romo and the Cowboys offense seemed to get on track in beating the Texans 2 weeks ago, and they are coming off a bye to take on the Titans. Tennessee just lost at home, and now have to travel to Dallas. This game is huge for the Cowboys as they can't afford to fall to 1-3 in that division, so I'll take the Boys to cover.

Philadelphia (+3) at San Francisco

After the huge QB controversy in Philly where Vick finally won out, Vick is hurt and Kolb is back in. They're talking about bring Jeff Garcia back. Yeah, that whole get-rid-of-McNabb thing has been working out really well. Despite all of this, the 49ers are very bad. The point differential of -51 is worse than every team besides the Bills. This is an absolute must win for San Fran because even though they play in a division where 6-10 might be tops, they don't want to fall to 0-5. However, just because the 49ers think they must win doesn't mean they have the talent to win. I'll take the Eagles to atleast cover.

Minnesota (+4) at New York Jets

Randy Moss returns to the Vikings. This is perfect for Brett Favre since he specializes in the "oh hell I might as well just throw this as far as I can and hope one of my guys gets it" passes and Moss is the perfect "ran as fast as you can and go get it" receivers. But, the Jets get their big-play receiver, Santonio Holmes, back this week after serving his drug suspension, assuming he's not too high to play football. Actually, Santonio and Randy might get together before the game and smoke enough to make Cheech and Chong dizzy. I mean check these two guys out. Also, what in the world has gotten into LaDanian Tomlinson? After looking older than Moses in San Diego the last few seasons, LT is leading the Jets in rushing and looking like a Pro Bowl type player. This one could be a shootout. I think the Vikings need this one badly because they can't afford to fall 1-3, so I think Minnesota will cover (unlike how Santonio covers himself).