Super Bowl Predictions

This year we're all set up to have one of the greatest Super Bowls of all-time. There are no more passionate fan bases than Pittsburgh and Green Bay. Pittsburgh has won more Super Bowls than any other team. The Packers won the first 2 Super Bowls, added a third, and by the way have the Super Bowl trophy named after their legendary coach. Aside from the history behind this game, we have multiple storylines from this year that makes this game so interesting. The Steelers defense was 1st in the league giving up only 14.5 points per game, and the Packers were 2nd giving up 15 a game. Each team has a wild-haired USC alumi leading the defense with Troy Polamalu and Clay Matthews. Aaron Rodgers is trying to cement his status as the best young quarterback in the game. Ben Roethlisberger is trying to win his 3rd Super Bowl tying him with Tom Brady for most among active quarterbacks. This also has to be the first time a quarterback could win a Super Bowl in the same season in which he was suspended 4 games for sexual assault allegations, right? Don't forget to add to all of this the fact that whoever wins this game might be the world champions for 2 years if the owners and players can't come to an agreement and cancel football next year. So I guess what I'm saying is, get ready for a great game and enjoy it because it might be the last football you'll see for a while.

Both the Steelers and the Packers are fully capable of winning this game. In fact, this year marks the smallest point spread (the Packers are favored by 2.5) for the Super Bowl in almost 30 years. What I've figured out is what each team needs to do in order to pull out a win in what should be a close game. Enjoy.

Steelers will win if they can
Guard receivers – The packers have 4 receivers with over 500 yards receiving. While Ike Taylor can swag all over anybody, he is the only Steelers corner capable of sticking with Green Bay's receivers. Bryant Mcfadden has been targeted and beaten throughout the season, and hes coming off a lingering injury. William Gay and Anthony Madison can’t run with the Packers 3rd and 4th receivers. The Steelers are going to have to use a lot of zone coverages to mask their inability to guard the Packers' receivers. That or let James Harrison decapitate Aaron Rodgers before giving the finger to Commissioner Goodell up in his luxury box. Don't rule this out. Harrison has been angry all week. He asked reporters if they could put pillows down on the field so he doesn't hurt anyone when he tackles them taking a shot at Goodell's fines for illegal hits.

Create turnovers – The Packers are not going to run the ball against the Steelers. End of story. The Steelers had the 3rd best season stopping the run since 1970. The Packers leading rusher in the playoffs didn't play in a game until December. Green Bay will be throwing the ball all over the field. Aaron Rodgers will drop back to pass on almost every play. If the Steelers defense gives him time and doesn’t confuse him with their coverages, he’ll have a field day. The Steelers need to create pressure and cause Rodgers to fumble or throw picks when he drops back to pass. If they can create some turnovers, they will win.
Run the ball – The Steelers have had an average offensive line at best all season. Now, the best player on that average line is hurt. If Maurkice Pouncey doesn’t play, the Steelers will be in the Super Bowl without 4 of their 5 starting lineman from the beginning of the season. This is not good because the Packers defense is coached by Dick Lebeau disciple Dom Capers who uses a lot of the same confusing blitzes the Steelers use. Ben will be under pressure every time he tries to throw the ball. The Steelers need to be able to run the ball to neutralize those blitzes.
Convince all Green Bay guys with Pittsburgh ties to switch sides mid-game - The Packers have a distinctive Pittsburgh flavor. Head Coach Mike McCarthy is from Greenfeild, PA just outside of Pittsburgh. Packers QB coach Tom Clements is from McKees Rocks just outside of Pittsburgh and used to coach the Steelers QBs. Tight Ends Coach Ben McAdoo went to Homer City High School and IUP. Former Steelers linebacker and pro wrestler Kevin Greene coaches Green Bay's linebackers. Former Steeler Darren Perry coaches the secondary. Former Steelers' Defensive Coordinator Dom Capers is the Packers' Defensive Coordinator. That's a lot of Pittsburgh influence on the Packers' coaching staff. I say the Steelers need to get someone to talk to all these Pittsburgh guys and convince them to betray the Packers. These guys need to stick to their hometown Pittsburgh roots and ensure that the Steelers win this game. And, since Kevin Greene is a veteran of the professional wrestling circuit, this kind of backstabbing turn should be familiar to him. Wrestlers switch sides in the middle of a match all the time. You know, like when a guy's reaches out to his tag-team partner for help, and the partner responds by hitting his supposed friend with a steel chair. Something like this needs to happen at the Super Bowl. This would be the greatest sporting event ever. The guys on ESPN would go insane. It would be the only thing on Sportscenter for weeks. I'm thinking something like right before the Packers' kicker goes out on the field for the winning field goal Coach McCarthy throws sand in his face and then Kevin Greene hits the kicker in the leg with a sledgehammer leaving Green Bay without a guy to kick the field giving the Steelers their 7th Super Bowl title. Something like this.

Packers will win if they
Bring Ben down – We’ve already discussed the state of the Steelers offensive line. The Packers will get pressure on Ben. What they need to do, is be able to tackle him when they get that pressure. This is no easy task as Ben is easily the fattest QB in Super Bowl history. When fat defensive lineman bounce off of Fat Ben, it's like when two guys in those inflatable sumo wrestler outfits bounce off each other. If the Packers can't wrestle Ben to the ground he'll find open receivers down the field.
Protect Rodgers - The Steelers will send guys at Aaron Rodgers. Like I said, the Packers won't be able to run the ball, so Rodgers will be throwing a lot. The Steelers like to get after the quarterback. Green Bay needs to be able to protect Rodgers. James Harrison is downright scary, and Lamar Woodley has more sacks in his first 6 playoff games than any player in NFL history. They will be coming after Rodgers. If the Packers can give Rodgers some time, he will find open receivers down the field. If they can't protect him, he will get hit hard and often. Also, Rodgers suffered two concussions this year and missed multiple games. If the Packers miss James Harrison just once, Rodgers could be headed for a 3rd concussion.
Get Ben drunk - This is perhaps the most foolproof plan the Packers could make. Ben seems to enjoy the occasional cocktail. He's been in trouble multiple times after a night out boozing. Just this week, he was caught at a piano bar with the Steelers lineman drinking and singing Billy Joel, Now granted, Ben didn't break any rules by going out with his lineman, didn't miss curfew, and didn't get in any trouble, but this just reinforces the fact that he likes to party. In fact, with his questionable physique, history of getting in trouble, and fondness for alcohol, Ben reminds me a real-life Kenny Powers. He even briefly experimented with a greasy long hair look that rivaled Kenny's perm. This should be the Packers Plan A. Green Bay needs to send out a party squad with a bunch of young chicks to lure Ben out to the bars Saturday night and keep him out until 4am doing jagerbombs. It could definitely work. A hungover Ben Roethlisberger would make the Packers' defense a lot more confident. I'm just kidding about all of this of course. I mean it's not like Ben has a history of getting really drunk and making bad decisions.

Now that I've told you what each team needs to do to win, I'm ready to give you my final prediction. After considering all of the players, schemes, team histories, injuries, and statistics, I've come up with what I think will be a remarkably accurate prediction.

Final Score: Steelers 76 Packers 3

Well, back in September I posted my predictions for each division for the NFL season. Now, with just days left until the Super Bowl, I thought we could look back and see how these predictions went. First, I'll repost my original predictions, then we'll grade how I did. I'm doing the grading on my own predictions, so on any questionable call I'm giving myself the benefit of the doubt. Not fair, you say? Too bad. I have no problem being biased towards myself.

AFC North
What Will Happen - The Browns will be the worst team in this division. I know, I know way to start out with a tough one, but I'm going for accuracy here not shock value. So, yes the Browns will be terrible this year. When Jake Delhomme is the answer, you're asking the completely wrong question. Also, we can't forget that the city of Cleveland is undoubtedly cursed. I mean think about it. Clevelanders suffered through Jordan making The Shot, Elway and The Drive, The Fumble, Jose Mesa's World Series collapse for the Tribe, and just this summer their hometown hero dumping them on national TV. That's a lot of sporting disappointments for one city. A Cleveland sports team has not won a championship since 1964. Ouch. Not that I blame God for cursing Cleveland because let's face Cleveland sucks, but really enough is enough. However, the curse is continuing atleast for this NFL season because the Browns are really bad.
What Won't Happen - There won't be a single play this season where a Bengals receiver is actually covered. I really do feel bad for Carson Palmer, and not just because he's a bad quarterback. He will be getting an earful from OchoCinco or TO or both after every play. These two will claim to have been wide open on every play (well except when they both go to the locker room early instead of playing the last play of a half like they did last Sunday). This won't end well. Expect for Ocho and TO's reality shows.
What Might Happen - You might see Big Ben at any hole-in-the-wall bar in the country or frat party on any campus. This guy has issues. I mean isn't he a little old to be underage drinking with college chicks in a shitty bar. Tom Brady-3 Super Bowl rings and a supermodel girlfriend. Tony Romo - 0 Super Bowl Rings and Jessica Simpson and Carrie Underwood. Ben-2 Super Bowl rings and hotel employees and underage college girls. Something doesn't make sense.

Grade - I’m giving myself a 3-for-3 on this one. First, the Browns were terrible, and Cleveland continues to be cursed as the Cavs have lost 22 games in a row and 32 of their last 33 games without LeBron. Combined the Cleveland Browns and Cleveland Caveliers have won 2 games since December 1st. I mean really, why does anyone still live in this city? The weather sucks, there are no jobs, crime is high, and all the sports teams are terrible. Can we trade Cleveland to Canada for future considerations? Hell, at this point, Canada probably wouldn't even take Cleveland. Forget about the Mexican border, we need to build a wall around Cleveland so nothing from that city can get out and contaminate the rest of the country. Just now, I typed "Cleveland Sucks" into Google and got 2.6 million responses. There is also a very popular youtube video about how sucky Cleveland is, and a clip of The Rock singing about how much he hates Cleveland. Second, the Bengals receivers made headlines for their reality show and for calling out their QB, and the team finished well below expectations. And finally, as far as I can tell, you still might see Ben creeping around at any college bar or frat party. Call me negative, but I’m not buying the whole born-again Christian routine Ben’s been playing all year. Really, I don’t care either because he’s one game away from winning the Steelers another Super Bowl. Forget alleged crimes, isn’t winning the only thing that matters? (I’m being sarcastic don’t think I hate women. Atleast not all of them.)

AFC South
What Will Happen - Forget the first game, the Colts will win the division. They always do. I'm not betting against Peyton Manning. The Texans might be the sexy pick, but save yourself too much thinking and just assume the Colts will win. Unless Eli locks Peyton in the closet again. Funny, I always thought Eli was the one struggling to come out of the closet.
What Won't Happen - Matt Schaub won't play all 16 games. This is one of the main reasons I'm not sold on the Texans. Schaub always gets hurt. Last season was the first time he made it through every game, and that's just not going to happen again.
What Might Happen - The Titans might keep using some form of the option. While the option has always been a popular play in high school and college, it's almost never used in the NFL. The reasons are valid: defensive players are too fast, defenses as too smart, and it's too dangerous for quarterbacks. However, if any NFL team ever has been poised to effectively run the option, it's this Titans team. Chris Johnson is a great speed back who can work out of an option and Vince Young may be the only quarterback fast and big enough to run it. The Titans used some shotgun read options and traditional pitch options in the first game. If they continue this, they will have an unstopable rushing attack or VY will end up with a leg like this guy. No in-between.

Grade - I’ll give myself a 2-out-of-3 for this one. The Colts won the division again, which should just be assumed until Peyton retires to a full-time commercial actor job. But, I was wrong as Schaub did play all 16 games. And I’m giving myself credit for the last one because Vince Young did get hurt. It wasn’t because the Titans were using a whole bunch of option plays, but tough. I’m grading myself here what did you expect?

AFC West
What Will Happen - The Raiders will be much better than last year with Jason Campbell at QB. JaMarcus Russell was a trainwreck (I guess that's what happens when you try to play quarterback in the NFL when you're doped up on cough syrup). Campbell is atleast serviceable, which may be all the Raiders need to be competitive in a bad division. Plus, it looks like Darren McFadden may have finally started to play like everyone thought he would.
What Won't Happen - Denver will not be rewared for their moves to acquire pretty-boy quarterbacks with questionable sexual orientations (Tebow, Brady Quinn). Let's move on.
What Might Happen - Kansas City might be good. Like good enough to make the playoffs. They've been stockpiling young talent. They've put together the Patriot's coaching staff from when they were winning all of their Super Bowls, so I can only assume they're spying on and video taping other teams. And, they have a great home field advantage.
BONUS What Might Happen - We might find out that Raiders owner Al Davis has been dead for 4 years.

Grade - BINGO! I’m giving myself a perfect 4-for4 on this one. The Raiders were much better than last year even contending for a playoff spot until the final weeks of the season. In true Raiders fashion, they immediately fired their head coach who oversaw this turnaround, but that’s a whole different story. Denver was not rewarded for their less-than-manly quarterbacks. They fired their coach in the middle of the season, Brady Quinn has been determined to be the 4th best QB in Denver, and Tim Tebow is still a weenie. And, Kansas City was good. Good enough to make the playoffs a year after going 4-12. Yeah I predicted that. Thank you. Also, I’m giving myself credit for the Bonus prediction because I still think we may find out that Al Davis has been dead for years. Seriously, look at the guy.

AFC East
What Will Happen - Tom Brady will have the worst hair in the NFL. I guess when you have a bunch of Super Bowl rings and can go back and forth from a smoking hot actress and a supermodel you can do whatever you want with your hair, but wow is it bad. Here's a side-by-side with Brady and teen sensation Justin Beiber. Feel free to make your own jokes.
What Won't Happen - The Bills won't win 5 games. They are just plain bad. They are below average at just about every position. The Bills and Browns could combine rosters and still struggle to reach 8-8. Actually that's not a bad idea. Buffalo and Cleveland are both cold, miserable cities whose sports teams never win anything. They should join forces for all major sports and try their luck that way.
What Might Happen - The Jets might be bad. I know with all of Rex Ryan's blabbering and Hard Knocks everyone has the Jets penciled into the Super Bowl, but let's not forget that this is a team that went 9-7 last year. Mark Sanchez threw 12 TDs and 20 INTs last year. Then, they got rid of their leading rusher (Thomas Jones) and replaced him with possibly the most washed up back in the league (LT). They brought in a pothead reciever (Santonio Holmes), cut a veteran leader (Alan Faneca), forced their best player into a holdout (Revis), lost their best defensive linemen for the season during the first game (Kris Jenkins), and have ridiculously high expectations while being led by a loud-mouth coach. That's a lot of negatives in a row.

Grade - 2-out-of-3 ain’t bad. Tom Brady continued to have the worst hair in the NFL. He may be in the running for worst hair in the USA. Even when he covered up his hair in the playoffs against the Jets, he looked ridiculous. Look at that. I don't know if he's trying to protect his hair, or if he finally realized how terrible he looked and was trying to cover it up. Also, the Bills did not win 5 games. But, I was way off on the Jets. They were enough to make a run at the Super Bowl. Despite the pothead receiver, washed up running back, and loud-mouth coach who made a foot fetish video with his wife that popped up on the internet during the playoff run, the Jets nearly beat the Steelers in Pittsburgh to go to the Super Bowl. Some things just don't make sense.

NFC North
What Will Happen - In a division with Brett Favre, Jay Cutler, and #1 overall pick Matt Stafford, Aaron Rodgers will be the best quarterback. By a lot. Rodgers had a great year last year and seems ready to pick up right where he left off. Don't be surprised if he's a serious MVP candidate.
What Won't Happen - The Vikings won't be back in the NFC Championship game. Last year was a perfect storm for the Vikings. No major injuries and Favre played one of the best seasons of his career. This year they've already have injuries to 2 of their top recievers, and don't count on Favre having a second great season in a row at his age. He's luckly he can remember where he left his Wrangler jeans let along play mistake-free football.
What Might Happen - Favre might be the first quarterback in NFL history to need a Hoveround to get from the locker room to the field. I mean seriously have you taken a close look at this guy lately. He's looking really old in that Vikings gear.

Another 3-for-3 for me. Aaron Rodgers was by far the best QB in this division, and has his team in the Super Bowl. The Vikings did not make the playoffs let alone the NFC Championship. And, Brett Favre’s consecutive games started streak was ended when he finally got hurt. He was hurt by a linebacker who was 8 years old when Favre started his streak. That’s true. Now, Favre has finally retired.....for now....we think.

NFC South
What Will Happen - The Saints will win this division comfortably. I'm talking locked up by Week 14. The other teams in this division just aren't good, and the Saints are very good.
What Won't Happen - The Falcons won't make the playoffs. This is my bold prediction for the year. Atlanta is getting some hype, but the competition in the NFC is tough. And, I'm making one serious bold prediction. So deal with it.
What Might Happen - Jimmy Clausen might be the Panthers starter by mid-season. Matt Moore is not good, and they spent a high draft pick on Clausen. Also, Jimmy may challenge Tom Brady for the worst hair in the league except in this contest there are no winners. And yes, I know these pictures are old, but he has it in him. That's my point.

Grade - Only 1-out-of-3 on this one. The Saints didn’t win this division. They also lost their 1st playoff game to the only team to ever make the playoffs with a losing record. Not an especially impressive title defense from last year’s champions. As for my bold prediction that the Falcons wouldn’t make the playoffs, well I couldn’t have been more off. Not only did they make the playoffs, they had the best record in the NFC. I guess I learned my lesson. No more bold predictions. The only one I got right was Jimmy Clausen was the Panthers starter, and it ended horribly for everyone involved.

NFC West
What Will Happen - This will be the worst division in the league by far. Cardinals without Warner, 49ers, Seahawks, and Rams. All bad teams. Very bad. Bad football all around.
What Won't Happen - No team from this division will make it past the 1st round of the playoffs. Some team has to win the division and make the playoffs, but whoever it is they will lose their 1st playoff game.
What Might Happen - The winner of this division might be 8-8. It's possible. In case you haven't picked up on it, I don't think this division is very good.

Grade - I went 2-for-3 on this one because this division was really really bad. They were the worst division in the league, the winner of the division couldn’t even get to 8-8, but somehow the Seahawks did make past the 1st round. I’m not sure how, and the Saints should be embarrassed, but they did. Let’s all just try to forget about the season this division gave us.

NFC East
What Will Happen - The Eagles will absolutely regret trading Donovan McNabb. Even though he led them to multiple NFC Championship games and a Super Bowl, Philly fans never seemed totally sold on McNabb. They trade him to a division rival in order to make Kevin Kolb their QB. Then Kolb gets concussed and all of a sudden Mike Vick looks like their best option. That's not good.
What Won't Happen - The Cowboys definitely won't go to the Super Bowl, and they can forget about winning it. Because they claim to be America's Team and the Super Bowl is being held in Dallas this year, many people are wondering if the Cowboys can be the first team to play in a Super Bowl in thier own stadium. Let me end that wondering: the answer is no. Tony Romo is not good. Wade Phillips is not a good coach. Their offensive line is a mess. Oh, and they choke every year in the playoffs. So, there's that.
What Might Happen - The Redskins might make a run at a division title. Let me explain. The Eagles all of a sudden have QB issues. The Cowboys have all the problems listed above plus the weight of unrealistic expectations. The Giants look formidable but not unbeatable. Now, the Redskins have a proven winner at QB in McNabb. They also finally have a coach in Mike Shanahan who knows how to win. They've quietly had a solid defense for the last few years. And, they have little to no pressure as everyone is focused on the Cowboys, the Eagles' new QBs, and the New York team.

Grade - 1-for-3. The Cowboys definitely didn’t go to the Super Bowl. They didn’t even come close to making the playoffs. Romo got hurt, and now Jerry Jones has to host the Super Bowl for the Steelers and the Packers, 2 teams that Cowboys fans have a deep hatred for. But, the Eagles made a playoff run and most certainly don’t regret trading Donovan McNabb. Mike Vick finished 2nd in Offensive Player of the Year voting while McNabb was benched at one point for Rex Grossman. Advantage: Vick. Also the Redskins won only 6 games and came nowhere near a division title.

All in all, 18-out-of-25. Stay tuned for my Super Bowl preview coming up by Friday.