NFL Week 11

Jets (-7) over Texans
The Texans ship is sinking. They've lost 3 straight and now have to go to New York. Even though the Jets have won both of their last 2 games by 3 points in overtime to the lowly Lions and Browns, both of those games were on the road. I think some home cooking will do the Jets some good here.

Ravens (-10.5) over Panthers
All you need to know about this game is that the Panthers are starting Brian St. Pierre at QB. Now, you may be wondering who Brian St. Pierre is. That is an excellent question. Here is ESPN's article on Carolina's decision to name St. Pierre the starter. The 5 highlights of the article:

5 - St. Pierre has thrown 5 passes in 8 seasons.

4 - He wasn't at anyone's training camp this year and last practiced last January.

3 - He was signed to the active roster on Tuesday. This Tuesday.

2 - Before Tuesday, he was a stay-at-home dad.

1 - Panthers' head coach John Fox's actual quote on his reasoning for choosing St. Pierre as his starting QB for this week was, "The guy has been in some games."

That's right, just having been in some games is good enough to start for the Panthers. You don't have to have played well in those games, just have to have been in them. This is the best a professional football team can do? Just take the Ravens.


Redskins (+7) over Titans
One of these teams will end a 2-game losing streak here. Both of them looked really bad last week. I'll just take the points. While we're here, what in the world is going on with the Redskins, Coach Shanahan, and Donovan McNabb? Two games ago, McNabb gets benched at the end of a close game for the atrocious Rex Grossman. After the game, Shanahan says McNabb didn't know the hurry-up offense the team needed at the end of the game. Then, he says McNabb actually does know the offense but was too out of shape to run it. Then it comes out that Shanahan doesn't like McNabb as his QB. Then, the Redskins bring in QB JaMarcus Russell for a workout even though he threw 3 TDs and 11 INTs last year and was recently arrested as part of a drug ring. Reports come out that Shanahan may bench McNabb for the rest of the season. So naturally, just hours before Washington's game last Monday, the Redskins announced they signed McNabb to a new 5 year $78 million contract extension. What? Sometimes the world just doesn't make any sense.

Lions (+6.5) over Cowboys
Dallas finally got a win in a big way last week, but I'm not buying a complete turnaround. I'll take the Lions and the points because, despite their 2-7 record, Detriot has only lost 2 games by more than the 6.5 points they're getting in this one. In fact, I might have even taken the Lions to win this one if QB Matt Stafford wasn't hurt again. This guy just can't stay on the field. He missed 6 games last year, has missed 6 already this year, and may not play again this season. It's getting a little out of hand. Kind of like Greg Oden in the NBA. It was announced that he will miss the remainder of the season again. Oden was the 1st pick of the entire draft and had many experts calling him a future all-star. By the end of this year he will have played in 82 games and missed 164. Although, I can't say Oden's injuries have been surprising considering he looked like Fred Sanford when he came into the league.


Packers (-3) over Vikings
Last week, Favre announced he was retiring at the end of the season. I feel like I've heard that before. So, that means it'll be 3 more weeks until he says he's coming back next year, 6 more weeks until he says he is undecided, and 1,000 more years until I want to hear about Brett Favre again.

Bills (+5.5) over Bengals
Just a really crappy game. Cincy has lost 6 in a row. The Bills just got their 1st win. And, I've already typed too many words about this game.

Raiders (+7) over Steelers
The Raiders are hot having won 3 straight. The Steelers got humiliated against the Pats last week. I think Pittsburgh will bounce back, but they never blow anyone out so I'll take the points. I'd also like to take a moment here and remember the wonderful and wacky Jeff Reed Era in Pittsburgh. He was by far the most entertaining kicker in the league. He kicked hard and partied harder. He got drunk at bars, danced shirtless on tables, took naked pictures of himself, destroyed convenience store bathrooms, and was known to throw parties at which he would dress like a professional wrestler complete with a championship belt. Nothing was unbelievable for this guy. I wouldn't have been surprised if he kicked a game winning field gold while smoking a cigarette. I wouldn't have been shocked if they caught him drinking from a flask during a game. No matter what, he made the life of a kicker interesting, and for that, he will be missed.

Jaguars (-1.5) over Browns
While Colt McCoy has been fairly impressive, Cleveland is just not a very good team. That loss to the Jets last week was particularly heartbreaking even for a Cleveland team. I mean I don't know what the people of Cleveland are doing to make God this angry, but they just can't catch a break. Jacksonville is full of old people and old people pray all the time, so God will probably make Cleveland lose again.

Cardinals (+8) over Cheifs
I'm not interested. I'll take the points.

Bucs (+3.5) over 49ers
How can the 3-6 49ers be favored over the 6-3 Bucs? Am I missing something here?

Saints (-11.5) over Seahawks
New Orleans is starting to get on a roll. Seattle's pass defense is ranked 28th in the league which is not good when you're facing Drew Brees.

Falcons (-3) over Rams
Atlanta looks like the best team in the NFC.

Colts (+3.5) over Pats
This feels like a field goal game to me, so I'll go with the points. Despite all the hype around the Jets at the beginning of the year, the additions the Ravens made on offense, and the quick start the Steelers jumped out to without Big Ben, it looks like the AFC might come down to these two again.



Eagles (-3) over Giants
Mike Vick has become unstoppable. He's throwing the deep ball just as good as he ever has. He's still outrunning entire defenses. He hasn't thrown an INT yet. The Eagles haven't lost a game in which Vick has played the entire game. I mean, if he were the Mean Machine's QB instead of Adam Sandler, that game in The Longest Yard wouldn't have even been close.





Chargers (-10) over Broncos
These two teams might combine for 100 points. If you like watching hard hitting defense, this game isn't for you. San Diego has won two in a row and tend to go on a streak this time of the year.

We're getting into the heart of November, and football season is really heating up. Both college football and the NFL are over halfway through their regular seasons, and you won't find a better time to watch football games. Teams are starting to fight for playoff positions, we know which teams are good and which are just horrible, and we're still getting a full schedule from both college and pro football. Part of what makes football so great is that playing only 1 game a week makes each game seem incredibly important. However, the somber reality is that football season is half over. We've really only got 4 weekends left of full college football. The NFL has less than 2 months left of a fully packed schedule. I don't know about you, but I want to really enjoy this second half of football season before I have to endure a 6 month offseason full of draft talk, possible Brett Favre retirements, and any late night shennanigans Ben Roethlisberger might get himself into. So in order to completely enjoy the football we have left, I have a few things I don't want to interfere with my football anymore. I've ranked the top 5 storylines that I'm sick of hearing about and are taking away from real football. To all of the executives from ESPN who I know are reading this, please stop telling me about these things. I'm sick of them. I just want to watch my football while I still can.

5. Mock Drafts - This makes the list at #5 as I have just started seeing Mock NFL drafts this week. I mean come on. The college football season isn't over yet, do we need to know who are going to be the best rookies a year from now? We don't even know who is going to enter the draft yet. And, how can anyone do a mock draft when we can't even say in what order the NFL teams will pick yet? In ESPN first mock draft, they have the 3-5 Vikings taking a QB with the 8 overall pick. Well, what happens if the Vikings win 6 of their last 8 (completely possible), end up 9-7, and have the 19th overall pick. Let's just enjoy football now and think about which college players are going to be drafted by which NFL teams once both seasons are over.

4. BCS Forecasts - As a whole, the BCS process for picking a college football national champion bugs me. NCAA Division II and Division III football both have a playoff as does every other college sport. So why does major college football have to rely on some computer system the uses records, margin of victory, voter polls, school cheerleader attractiveness, mascot toughness, strength of schedule, and quality of school cafeteria food to find the top two teams. But, as problematic as I find the BCS process, what annoys me even more is forecasting and talking about who is ranked as the top two teams starting in week 8 of the college season when most teams have atleast 5 more games. Who cares who is ranked where when there's over two more months left of games. Let all the highly ranked team lose and drop from the rankings then win a few games in a row and climb back up and see where we're at with one week left in the season. Then, after all the games are played and the all-knowing computers tell us which two teams should play for the national championship, we can all argue about if the computers are right and who the best two teams are. There's no point in arguing about it now because half the teams in the top 10 will probably lose a game before everything is all set.

3. The Dallas Cowboys - The Cowboys are terrible, so let's stop talking about them. Has a 1-7 team have gotten as much air time as this year's Cowboys? Hell, the Carolina Panthers are 1-7, and I bet you couldn't name 6 players on their team. Dallas fires their head coach this week, and ESPN gives it around-the-clock coverage like OJ is speeding down the freeway again. Unless the Cowboys win a few games, Miles Austin releases a sex tape with ex Kim Kardashian, or Jerry Jones gets more plastic surgery on live TV, I don't want to hear about Dallas anymore. They're bad. We know they're bad. They know they're bad. There's nothing else to say. I don't care if they like to call themselves "America's Team." America doesn't need to hear about a bunch of losers on ESPN all the time. That's why we have Teen Mom (What? I can't take a shot at a bunch of pregnant teenage girls?).

2. NCAA Violations - I'm sick of the NCAA and all their violations. Unless a kid is committing a crime or cheating during a game, I don't care. I don't care if they get caught cheating in class. I don't care if they meet with agents. I don't care if they get assistant coaches to write their papers. I don't care if they get money, cars, or houses from alumni. I just don't care. I just want to watch them play football. Let's get everyone off their high horses and stop pretending these are real student athletes. These guys at the big-time football schools are as much students as I am an astronaut. They don't really care too much about school, and the schools don't care if they learn a thing as long as they keep bringing in the money. As a hypothetical, let's say your the starting QB at a big time football school like Ohio State. You're bringing 100,000 fans to the stadium who are buying tickets, food and drinks with all the money going to the school. These fans can also go to any merchandise stand and buy a jersey with your number on it with all the money going to the school. Video games can be made with a player that has your number with your exact height and weight for millions of people to buy with all the money going to, you guessed it, the school. What do you get? The chance to take Algebra I, Intro to Thinking, Basket Weaving, and Underwater Fire Prevention? So I'm really supposed to care if you get some money from an agent or alumni. I'm sorry I just don't. I want to watch you play football. I don't care what kind of student you are. For all you holier-than-thou people out there, if you want to watch real student-athletes go to a Division II or even better Division III game. These kids aren't biding their time until they get to the pros. Go get your good clean amateur athletics there. I want to watch the really good players play football even if they spend their free time counting the money some alumni gave them or can't read.

1. NFL Player Safety - The winner. This is the issue I'm the most sick of hearing about. Player safety wins because I can't watch a single quarter of football let alone a game without having to hear about how the NFL is serious about player safety. I get it. They don't want people getting hit in the head anymore. I'm also not buying that they're actually going to suspend anyone like they've threatened. Let's actually see them forbid a player from playing before we spend anymore time talking about this. I want to watch football, and I want to watch players getting hit without having to listen to whether or not the hit was legal. I don't need to hear every player's opinion on player safety. I don't need a list of every player who is fined every week. I don't need analysts and commentators arguing over how to tackle. I just want to watch what's left of the football season.

Quick look at this week's NFL games

Colts(-7) over Bengals - Cincy is done. TO and Ocho will have a lot of time for reality shows.

Texans (+1.5) over Jaguars - Couldn't care less about this game taking the points.

Titans (-2) over Dolphins - Randy Moss + Chris Johnson = potentially scary offense for the Titans. Also, Chad Pennington is the new QB for the Dolphins? What is this 1999?

Vikings (-1) over Bears - Chicago just plain sucks. They couldn't block a Chris Farley artery.

Detroit (+2.5) over Bills - The Bills are 0-8. They shouldn't be favored over Sacred Lady School for the Blind. I'll take the Lions and the points.

Browns (+3) over Jets - The Browns have beat the Saints and Pats in the last month. I like them to keep it close.

Bucs (-7) over Panthers - Carolina is probably the worst team in the league.

Chiefs (-1) over Broncos - This one's already over. The Cheifs already scalped Tim Tebow.

Rams (+6) over 49ers - The 49ers are 2-6. The Rams are 4-4. The 49ers are favored by 6? I don't get it. I'll take the Rams.

Seahawks (+3) over Cards - I'll take Seattle and the points at home.

Giants (-13.5) over Cowboys - Dallas is D-O-N-E

Steelers (-4.5) over Pats - I'm a homer

Eagles (-3) over Redskins - Vick might be the MVP. McNabb got benched for Rex Grossman in Washington's last game. Enough said.

Mid-Season Awards

We're halfway through the NFL season, so it's time to take a look around and see what's going on.

Offensive Rookie of the Year

It's got to be Sam Bradford. I bet you can't name 1 of his WRs, yet he's got the Rams a half game out of 1st place in their division. He walked into a pretty tough situation as the #1 pick and franchise savior for the worst team in the league, and he's handled it extremely well. He looks like the real deal and give the Rams hope for the future.

Most Offensive Body Part of the Year

We have been subjected to some awful sights from NFL players this year. With players depending on their bodies to make their millions, you'd think they would take better care of them. Tom Brady grew the worst hair of any MVP-caliber player since Larry Bird's perm-o-fro was ruling the NBA. Joe Flacco still seems to think the Unibrow look is going to catch on. In fact, there is a 100% chance he is a member of the official Unibrow Club. Yes, it really does exist. Rookie DT Terrence Cody joined the Ravens this year, and while he only has 1 tackle, I find his entire body very offensive. I mean look at that over there guy. However, the winner for most offensive body part has to go to Brett Favre and his old umm "member" that he sent a picture of to a female Jets employee when he was in New York (don't worry I'm not showing you a picture of that). I mean Brett is well over 40. I'm surprised he even knows how to work a cell phone let alone use one to send dirty pictures to women half his age. Let's just move on before images you don't want in your brain start popping in.

Defensive Rookie of the Year

No rookie defensive player has had more of an impact than Ndamukong Suh. Suh leads his team with 6.5 sacks, has a pick, and returned a fumble for a TD. He's proving to be a force on the defensive line that the Lions should be able to build upon. You know, assuming the Lions are ever going to build on anything.

Comeback Criminal of the Year

There's a lot of worthy candidates for this one. The Jets alone have three guys that could be considered. Santonio Holmes has just returned from his suspension for smoking too much pot, so he hasn't yet put up the stats to be considered the comeback guy yet. Jets corner Antonio Cromartie has been in legal battles throughout the summer and early season for being late on child-support payments for one or more of the 7 kids he has with 6 different women. The Jets most worthy candidate has to be Braylon Edwards. Edwards was arrested for DUI early in the season, but the fact that he only missed a quarter of game action disqualifies him for this award. This award, like the NFL, is focused on quarterbacks. Big Ben, while never charged with a crime, missed 4 games after being accused of assaulting a young woman at a college bar. Ben has come back and played fairly well for not having practiced for a month. He even survived back-to-back road games in Miami (South Beach) and New Orleans (Bourbon Street) without groping anyone that we know of. That's a big win for him. However, there's really only one choice for this award and that's Mike Vick. Vick spent time in Federal Prison, came back, spent a year sitting on the bench, and returned to be the highest rated passer in the NFC this year. He's completing over 60% of his passes, hasn't thrown an INT yet, and the Eagles are undefeated in games in which he has played the entire game. That's a criminal comeback. In this dog-eat-dog world, the Eagles threw Vick a bone, and this underdog is making Philly fans wag their tails in delight (What? Too soon?).

Messiest QB Situation

The year of the QB this is not. Not only are many teams lacking a quality QB, but many would gladly settle for mediocrity at this point. Most recently, the Redskins have found themselves in a QB conundrum. They bench McNabb with 2 minutes left in a one-score game in favor of Rex Grossman, who immediately fumbles. Now, I'm no NFL coach, but I would say Rex is never the answer. First the story was McNabb didn't know the 2-minute offense, then it was he was too fat to run it. Either way, this is going to end badly. The Cowboys were bad at QB with Tony Romo. Now that he's hurt for 2 months, they're terrible with Jon Kitna. Kitna started 1 game and threw 4 picks as the Boys lost by 17 at home. The Browns have started 3 different guys at QB, and the best one is averaging 130 yards passing a game. The Panthers started the year with Matt Moore who has thrown twice as many INTs as TDs. So, they went to Jimmy Clausen who has thrown three times as many INTs as TDs. So, now they're back to Moore. Whatever. But the winner in this category is going to be the Arizona Cardinals. The Cards win this one because, if not for the horrible play of their QBs, would be a serious threat in the wide-open NFC. They have a solid running game, defense, and perhaps the best receiver in the league in Larry Fitz. But their QBs have been so awful, that the rest of the team suffers. Derek Anderson was so bad that the Cards switched to Max Hall, an undrafted rookie. Well, Hall has thrown 5 INTs with 1 TD and is averaging 56 yards per game. The Cards went back to Anderson in the middle of last week's game just in time for him to throw a pick in the endzone to lose the game.

MVP

There are a few worthy candidates here. Adrian Peterson is carrying the Vikings. Philip Rivers is on pace to break the single season passing yards record. Clay Matthews has been unblockable leading the league in sacks. Tom Brady has the Patriots sitting with the best record in the league. But the winner has to be Peyton Manning. Manning has a QB rating over 100, is completing over 65% of his passes, is averaging over 300 yards a game, and has 15 TDs to only 2 picks. These numbers alone are impressive, but they are extraordinary when you consider what he's been working with. He has no running game to support him as he's down to his 3rd and 4th string backs. His 2nd, 3rd, and 4th WRs have all missed games due to injuries. Dallas Clark, his TE and most reliable threat down the middle of the field, is out for the year. He has relied on guys named Blair White, Jacob Tamme, and Brody Eldridge at WR for large chunks of the season. I mean really? Blair, Jacob, and Brody? That sounds like the characters from a soap opera. Add in the fact that the Colts D is ranked 28th in stopping the run and the degree of difficulty for what Manning is doing right now is off the charts. He is definitely more valuable to the Colts than anyone else is to his team. Replace Manning with an average QB like Kyle Orton and the Colts might not have a single win.